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Rabbit Heart: A Mother's Murder, a Daughter's Story
For readers of My Dark Places and I'll Be Gone in the Dark , a beautiful, brutal memoir documenting one woman’s search for identity alongside her family's decades-long quest to identify the two men who abducted—and murdered—her mother
Kristine S. Ervin was just eight years old when her mother, Kathy Sue Engle, was abducted from an Oklahoma mall parking lot and violently murdered in an oil field. First, there was grief. Then the desire to what happened to her, what she felt in her last terrible moments, and all she was before these acts of violence defined her life.
In her mother’s absence, Ervin tries to reconstruct a woman she can never fully grasp—from her own memory, from letters she uncovers, and the stories of other family members. As more information about her mother's death comes to light, Ervin’s drive to know her mother only intensifies, winding its way into her own fraught adolescence. In the process of both, she reckons with contradictions of what a woman is allowed to be—a self beyond the roles of wife, mother, daughter, victim—what a “true” victim is supposed to look like, and, finally, how complicated and elusive justice can be.
Told fearlessly and poetically, Rabbit Heart weaves together themes of power, gender, and justice into a manifesto of grief and our stories do not need to be simple to be true, and there is power in the telling.
Kristine S. Ervin was just eight years old when her mother, Kathy Sue Engle, was abducted from an Oklahoma mall parking lot and violently murdered in an oil field. First, there was grief. Then the desire to what happened to her, what she felt in her last terrible moments, and all she was before these acts of violence defined her life.
In her mother’s absence, Ervin tries to reconstruct a woman she can never fully grasp—from her own memory, from letters she uncovers, and the stories of other family members. As more information about her mother's death comes to light, Ervin’s drive to know her mother only intensifies, winding its way into her own fraught adolescence. In the process of both, she reckons with contradictions of what a woman is allowed to be—a self beyond the roles of wife, mother, daughter, victim—what a “true” victim is supposed to look like, and, finally, how complicated and elusive justice can be.
Told fearlessly and poetically, Rabbit Heart weaves together themes of power, gender, and justice into a manifesto of grief and our stories do not need to be simple to be true, and there is power in the telling.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published March 26, 2024
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews
February 21, 2024
I am shocked by the progression of this book. In the rarest of reading experiences, what started as excellent, turned brighter, stronger and more powerful with every page.
The author had me so completely captivated, so inside her head, that by the time I reached the end, it felt impossible to shut what I held in my hands.
A harrowing story on girlhood, womanhood, motherhood, grief and self-discovery, tied up in an impossibly satisfying bow.
(I don’t ordinarily rate anything related to a memoir, but as I want everyone to read this, I am making an exception)
The author had me so completely captivated, so inside her head, that by the time I reached the end, it felt impossible to shut what I held in my hands.
A harrowing story on girlhood, womanhood, motherhood, grief and self-discovery, tied up in an impossibly satisfying bow.
(I don’t ordinarily rate anything related to a memoir, but as I want everyone to read this, I am making an exception)
April 14, 2024
Holy shit. This book should definitely win an award or something, and why isn’t it being talked about everywhere?
When the author was on the cusp of adolescence in the mid-80s, her mother was kidnapped by two young male strangers from the parking lot of a local mall where she was running an errand - and then was brutally assaulted and murdered. “Brutally Murdered” may sound redundant, but the emphasis is necessary in this case: what happened to the author’s mom is the epitome of a superlatively senselessly violent crime, the true stuff of nightmares.
It is excruciating to imagine the impact that such a traumatic loss of a parent, a mother no less, could have on a daughter, especially at this important and already challenging time of transition into young womanhood. It is excruciating to imagine the legacy of this trauma thereafter and its ongoing impacts on the author and her family.
And make no mistake: this book is excruciating, possibly the most excruciating I’ve read. It’s so raw and intimate that at times I felt like it was too raw and intimate, like something I shouldn’t be allowed to be reading at all, and yet it’s so skillfully done that it achieves the impossible of capturing and conveying indescribable and unimaginable pain and confusion.
One of the best and truest trauma memoirs I’ve ever read, if one of the most difficult, and so brave and as mercilessly, ruthlessly honest and searching and reflective and revealing as the author and her mother deserve. I honestly don’t know how the author did it. It feels like one would have no blood left in their body after writing something like this.
In addition to revisiting the evolving details of the horrendously violent criminal acts experienced by the author’s mother, readers should be also aware the book requires some pretty intense trigger warnings for sexual assault and abuse, including of the author as a teen struggling to navigate relationships and identity in the wake of her mother’s murder.
When the author was on the cusp of adolescence in the mid-80s, her mother was kidnapped by two young male strangers from the parking lot of a local mall where she was running an errand - and then was brutally assaulted and murdered. “Brutally Murdered” may sound redundant, but the emphasis is necessary in this case: what happened to the author’s mom is the epitome of a superlatively senselessly violent crime, the true stuff of nightmares.
It is excruciating to imagine the impact that such a traumatic loss of a parent, a mother no less, could have on a daughter, especially at this important and already challenging time of transition into young womanhood. It is excruciating to imagine the legacy of this trauma thereafter and its ongoing impacts on the author and her family.
And make no mistake: this book is excruciating, possibly the most excruciating I’ve read. It’s so raw and intimate that at times I felt like it was too raw and intimate, like something I shouldn’t be allowed to be reading at all, and yet it’s so skillfully done that it achieves the impossible of capturing and conveying indescribable and unimaginable pain and confusion.
One of the best and truest trauma memoirs I’ve ever read, if one of the most difficult, and so brave and as mercilessly, ruthlessly honest and searching and reflective and revealing as the author and her mother deserve. I honestly don’t know how the author did it. It feels like one would have no blood left in their body after writing something like this.
In addition to revisiting the evolving details of the horrendously violent criminal acts experienced by the author’s mother, readers should be also aware the book requires some pretty intense trigger warnings for sexual assault and abuse, including of the author as a teen struggling to navigate relationships and identity in the wake of her mother’s murder.
March 31, 2024
a wordy review wouldn’t do this justice, but it’s impossible to leave this without remembering how haunting and beautiful memoir can be when done well.
November 9, 2023
I could never anticipate how satisfying the ending of this story unfolded. Reading this reminded me of THE POSTCARD by Anne Berest; jaw-dropping simplicity and sincerity directly from a person who survived a major trauma inflicted on their family as truth is revealed that you assume would be lost to the passage of time... Books like this give me hope that beauty can truly overcome even the direst of circumstances. How proud her mother would be of her for puĺling together such a triumph of a book: to honor memories of the before, to allow space to heal, and to give voice and power back to those who deserve it.
April 5, 2024
This is a memoir about grief, girlhood, motherhood, violence against women, and moving in to womanhood without a mother. Ervin weaves personal trauma and experiences, including the kidnapping and murder of her mother, with severely broken cultural beliefs surrounding crimes against women.
It’s a heavy read so do proceed with caution.
It’s a heavy read so do proceed with caution.
March 31, 2024
Wow def not what I was expecting but like in the best way.
Firstly the writing in this is so beautiful & melancholic & easy to understand. It is able to elicit so many emotions while telling this harrowing story. & I lost count the amount of times I cried.
There is a strong theme of feminism that I wasn’t expecting but absolutely loved. The accounts of her girlhood to womanhood were so devastating but the ending was just so satisfying.
I will think about this for years to come & I will hug my mom a little tighter the next time I see her.
Firstly the writing in this is so beautiful & melancholic & easy to understand. It is able to elicit so many emotions while telling this harrowing story. & I lost count the amount of times I cried.
There is a strong theme of feminism that I wasn’t expecting but absolutely loved. The accounts of her girlhood to womanhood were so devastating but the ending was just so satisfying.
I will think about this for years to come & I will hug my mom a little tighter the next time I see her.
March 12, 2024
As the daughter of a murdered mother, I was instantly interested in this memoir. To read how someone with a similar trauma picked up the pieces of her life after tragedy, makes me feel less alone, and hopeful, as I still navigate my mother’s cold case.
The themes that stretch from the grief of her mother’s murder- the experience of womanhood in our society, was thought provoking and layered and adequately addressed the ethical concerns around true-crime stories.
I have a feeling this is going to be a 2024 top nonfiction hit
The themes that stretch from the grief of her mother’s murder- the experience of womanhood in our society, was thought provoking and layered and adequately addressed the ethical concerns around true-crime stories.
I have a feeling this is going to be a 2024 top nonfiction hit
March 27, 2024
What a raw, painful, powerful memoir. I was expecting the “true crime” chapters, but the honest reflection on her sometimes painful relationship with her father impressed me. The chapters on violence she’s experienced were the hardest to read, but arguably the most important and powerful parts of the book.
March 7, 2024
“What happens to a 9-year old girl when her mother is murdered and the crime isn’t solved for 25 years?” For me, this is the question that haunts Kristine Ervin’s Rabbit Heart, a memoir that begins at the moment Kristin learns about her mother’s (Kathy Sue Engle) kidnapping (and, later, her murder). The memoir takes us through Kristin’s adolescence and into adulthood. It traces her often painful struggle to become a woman without a mother to guide her, her journey to understand her mother and hold onto her. and her family’s ceaseless efforts to keep the case in front of law enforcement until the perpetrator is finally captured and prosecuted. It also explores her relationships with men—the most painful parts of the book for me--and the ways violence reverberates through and shapes families and cultures (more about that later). (The title of the memoir, Rabbit Heart, alludes to a story Ervin recalls from childhood about a rabbit who dies of fright—without trauma or prolonged pain—and is what Ervin hoped had been her mother’s experience).
I’ll be honest. This is a difficult book to review because the subject matter is difficult to read. But it’s also a book you should read for this reason. Ervin is a powerful writer and her memoir is an excellent example of writing that is emotionally raw, deeply reflective, and well-researched. Ervin offers an unflinching critique of a culture saturated with images and messages about violence against women and the ways women are taught to accept, even encourage and perpetuate, violence against themselves. I found Kristin’s ability to weave back and forth between the personal and the cultural astounding. It’s too easy (and all too common) to think about violence in individual rather than cultural terms. Ervin refuses that easy out and forces us to confront the deep cultural roots of violence against women.
Some readers will find the book difficult to get through. I would urge these readers to push through the difficulty, though, because the book is also, even amidst the pain, a daughter’s testament of love to her mother.
Thank you to #netgalley for an advanced copy of the book. Rabbit Heart will be published by Counterpoint on March 26, 2024.
I’ll be honest. This is a difficult book to review because the subject matter is difficult to read. But it’s also a book you should read for this reason. Ervin is a powerful writer and her memoir is an excellent example of writing that is emotionally raw, deeply reflective, and well-researched. Ervin offers an unflinching critique of a culture saturated with images and messages about violence against women and the ways women are taught to accept, even encourage and perpetuate, violence against themselves. I found Kristin’s ability to weave back and forth between the personal and the cultural astounding. It’s too easy (and all too common) to think about violence in individual rather than cultural terms. Ervin refuses that easy out and forces us to confront the deep cultural roots of violence against women.
Some readers will find the book difficult to get through. I would urge these readers to push through the difficulty, though, because the book is also, even amidst the pain, a daughter’s testament of love to her mother.
Thank you to #netgalley for an advanced copy of the book. Rabbit Heart will be published by Counterpoint on March 26, 2024.
April 10, 2024
Fainting couches and purple prose still sells--Ervin tells a horrific tale of a brutal and dehumanizing abduction, rape, and murder of her mother and the aftermath, a troubled family grappling for justice and individual peace or the alternative, coming to terms with the actualities of what happened, the loss of a woman who was a powerful force and the opportunity to confront one of the killers finally. For each, there's a final moment of clarity, self-awareness, and agency for Ervin. Unfortunately, she cloaks it in hysterical, overwrought hyperbole as she lurches from painful, emotional, teary breakdown, often in rural settings, lakes, graveyards, and cornfields-in and out of the arms of her husband, his description varying from the Victorian and romance novel, the shining hero, and the more prosaic best buddy of her brother and willing partner in the family drama. The fainting couch is metaphorical. No clutching of pearls (instead, it's her mother's empty gold locket), she substitutes the more psychological imagery of curling into a fetal position or huddling on the floor or comfort in her husband's arms. It's her memoir, after all, and she is a creative writing professor. She's excellent at describing emotional responses--and she envisions or experiences graphic rape and murder of her mother, her reenactment--like her mother with two men --but what gets lost in this flood of overwriting and the instance on the first person fixation are the others who were affected. What happened to them and who they are is mainly deduced through inference--brother Rolland, who works through his pain by becoming a lawyer, keeping the case alive, diligent, and systematic; a woman named Chris, who becomes a kind of surrogate mother and defacto psychologist, and her father who felt hopeless to raise a daughter who seemed to be acting out in self-destructive ways from her early adolescence--there's a mention in passing of being suspended from school for several months but no elaboration and finally her mother--who is described in fragments--the woman was a computer expert, again there a hint, carrying the printouts, when computers were mainframes and in their infancy--she was strong-willed, in a possibly troubled marriage, Ervin again alludes to both parents having affairs, a chain smoker--and devoted to her children. However, the father says she was not much of a mother. I kept reading because the book has importance--its clarity about the justice system's indifference to women victims, Ervin's struggle to find her distinct voice and confront the killer reading the impact statement rather than letting it be read aloud, adds to the growing literature of women brutalized, discarded, unnamed, and for which there is no natural justice or peace for those left behind. Unfortunately, instead of this wordy tome of emoting, Edvard Munch's The Scream says it all to me.
April 6, 2024
When at eight-years old her mother is murdered Kristine doesn’t understand all the ramifications and how it will impact her life. But in this memoir she vividly recalls numerous scenarios that seem troubling and were perhaps mishandled because there was no understanding, responsible female in her life. A teacher that hugs a little too long, a doctor who makes inappropriate jokes, a neighbor who asks for favors that make her uncomfortable—all these situations show the nuance of violence. Throughout her adolescence and early life Ervin wrestles with missing her mom, learning things only a woman knows, and how fraught a search for justice can be. In a myriad of ways her life is changed by the tragic loss of her mother in an unsolved crime. She has to grow up with no answers and then learn to live with what she knows. This is an amazingly revealing and powerful self portrait.
April 4, 2024
absolutely devastating. this was beautifully written and captivated me from start to finish. it felt like i was right by her side throughout her grief, healing, and journey to justice.
“What is the legacy of the ones gone missing? Is it to keep searching, through evidence and facts and memories and stories, filling in gaps with details we’ve imagined or stolen or experienced ourselves?
What is the legacy for the deaths we cannot know?”
“What is the legacy of the ones gone missing? Is it to keep searching, through evidence and facts and memories and stories, filling in gaps with details we’ve imagined or stolen or experienced ourselves?
What is the legacy for the deaths we cannot know?”
April 12, 2024
Beautiful writing.
Read
April 13, 2024DNF
Gave up at the 50% mark.
Gave up at the 50% mark.
April 21, 2024
This was such a haunting story told with the most beautiful and brutal prose about womanhood. Ouch. Memoirs are sad
March 19, 2024
This honest and beautiful memoir really touched me. Ervin is very open regarding the impact her mother's brutal murder has had on her. She shows great courage in sharing her story. This novel will affect all who read it.
January 23, 2024
Rabbit Heart is an exploration of motherlessness. Of loss. And grief.
It is profoundly beautiful. And wrenching.
At Bookish, I'll recommend it to people grappling with grief. To people who have lost their mothers through death or estrangement. To women fighting to find their voice in a country still awash in patriarchy and violence against women.
There is so much depth here.
The text needs trigger warnings for sexual violence and suicide; is there a trigger warning for murder of women? There are all these triggers--and yet, I don't want people to miss this book. It's profound in ways I'm still ruminating on. I want readers to protect themselves--but to stretch if they can for this book. It is worth it.
Rabbit Heart is absolute poetry. And agony. It is singularly the most thought provoking memoir/true crime piece I've ever read.
It will stay with me for a long, long time.
Support Bookish by purchasing Rabbit Heart here: https://bookshop.org/a/4334/978164009...
It is profoundly beautiful. And wrenching.
At Bookish, I'll recommend it to people grappling with grief. To people who have lost their mothers through death or estrangement. To women fighting to find their voice in a country still awash in patriarchy and violence against women.
There is so much depth here.
The text needs trigger warnings for sexual violence and suicide; is there a trigger warning for murder of women? There are all these triggers--and yet, I don't want people to miss this book. It's profound in ways I'm still ruminating on. I want readers to protect themselves--but to stretch if they can for this book. It is worth it.
Rabbit Heart is absolute poetry. And agony. It is singularly the most thought provoking memoir/true crime piece I've ever read.
It will stay with me for a long, long time.
Support Bookish by purchasing Rabbit Heart here: https://bookshop.org/a/4334/978164009...
April 17, 2024
It is one of the most heartbreaking true stories I have ever read.
It is not only about a family's conflicting memories of a mother and a wife over the years who was tortured, raped and murdered, but the most interesting part for me was a coming-of-age story.
of a young girl who didn't have a mom to guide her. Help her through the teenage angst, peer pressure, and was not protected by her father either because he was grieving or didn't know how to protect her. They all suffered, nevertheless.
Then, as she gets to her teenage years and early 20s, some of the situations she gets into is where the grief of her mother being taken from her made it all the more complex. I think the author thought she wanted to feel the pain of what her mother went through by experiencing some bad things herself but wasn't losing her mother enough? Maybe she just wanted to feel something and was not sure what it was she wanted to feel or didn't know what she needed or could not put a name on it.
It is all written in this woman's soul. Her bones, her body, and all these parts may recover but will never be the same. What is sad is as I read boyfriends, or husbands have sexually abused and / or raped their wives and don't feel as if they did anything wrong. I bet about 75% of all women have gone through this. I guess a man thinks it's his right to have power over a woman's body as a possession just because they are married or connected. Even if she is not enjoying it. That normally doesn't stop them. They feel no guilt or shame. They don't care if you didn't want to or enjoy it or were crying or just lying there.
Men, if you have to pressure someone into having sex, I'm pretty sure the woman doesn't want it. How many women have had sex in their relationships or marriage to keep the peace at home, to stop the coercion, manipulation, guilt trips, silent treatment, threats, of husbands trying to make your life a living hell until a woman lays there and takes it and knowing what just happened was not love. Not even close. It was sexual abuse/rape. That woman will never enjoy sex with that man again. Does he care? Probably not.
It is not only about a family's conflicting memories of a mother and a wife over the years who was tortured, raped and murdered, but the most interesting part for me was a coming-of-age story.
of a young girl who didn't have a mom to guide her. Help her through the teenage angst, peer pressure, and was not protected by her father either because he was grieving or didn't know how to protect her. They all suffered, nevertheless.
Then, as she gets to her teenage years and early 20s, some of the situations she gets into is where the grief of her mother being taken from her made it all the more complex. I think the author thought she wanted to feel the pain of what her mother went through by experiencing some bad things herself but wasn't losing her mother enough? Maybe she just wanted to feel something and was not sure what it was she wanted to feel or didn't know what she needed or could not put a name on it.
It is all written in this woman's soul. Her bones, her body, and all these parts may recover but will never be the same. What is sad is as I read boyfriends, or husbands have sexually abused and / or raped their wives and don't feel as if they did anything wrong. I bet about 75% of all women have gone through this. I guess a man thinks it's his right to have power over a woman's body as a possession just because they are married or connected. Even if she is not enjoying it. That normally doesn't stop them. They feel no guilt or shame. They don't care if you didn't want to or enjoy it or were crying or just lying there.
Men, if you have to pressure someone into having sex, I'm pretty sure the woman doesn't want it. How many women have had sex in their relationships or marriage to keep the peace at home, to stop the coercion, manipulation, guilt trips, silent treatment, threats, of husbands trying to make your life a living hell until a woman lays there and takes it and knowing what just happened was not love. Not even close. It was sexual abuse/rape. That woman will never enjoy sex with that man again. Does he care? Probably not.
April 6, 2024
“then he explained epithelial cells and how DNA technology traces only the maternal line. I thought about the power of this.”
“rabbit heart” written carefully and deserves a nearly immediate reread.
i think we always assume, or at least i did, that those horrible things we hear about on the news or on “dateline” exist in some parallel world. they’ll never happen to us, they’ll never have an effect on the trajectory of our lives.
“rabbit heart” was personal. it took me some time to get through, because i needed space to adjust to its weight - a weight i have never had to hold. i know kristine as a mentor and am grateful to have celebrated the publication of her memoir, but i do not think the impact of this book on me is due to my relationship with her. i think that it will burrow into the consciousness of any woman who reads it and stay there.
“rabbit heart” written carefully and deserves a nearly immediate reread.
i think we always assume, or at least i did, that those horrible things we hear about on the news or on “dateline” exist in some parallel world. they’ll never happen to us, they’ll never have an effect on the trajectory of our lives.
“rabbit heart” was personal. it took me some time to get through, because i needed space to adjust to its weight - a weight i have never had to hold. i know kristine as a mentor and am grateful to have celebrated the publication of her memoir, but i do not think the impact of this book on me is due to my relationship with her. i think that it will burrow into the consciousness of any woman who reads it and stay there.
April 12, 2024
When the author was just 8 years old, her mother was violently killed; the case wasn’t resolved for decades. Understandably, the daughter’s life has been forever impacted by the horror and the trauma of this great loss. The book describes how the author tries to learn more about her mother’s life and death, and how she deals with her loss. There are vivid details of sexual experiences where the author was repeatedly taken advantage of, possibly in part because she was so vulnerable and appeared willing. The book highlights how our society tolerates or ignores violence against women (and children) and how they are taken advantage of by those with more power. This memoir is her story. I’m sorry she has had such devastating loss and it appears impossible to ever recover from.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 12, 2024
I was amazed by how this book evolved. It began great and just got better with each page, becoming brighter, stronger, and more powerful. The author drew me in completely, making me feel like I was right there with her. It's a touching story about growing up, becoming a woman, being a mom, dealing with loss, and finding yourself. I rarely rate memoirs, but I want everyone to read this one.
Read
April 15, 2024This memoir was written so well. It was heartbreaking and vulnerable. Kristine is an amazing writer and the way she wrote about this massive loss was so unique. It felt so honest and raw. I will never forget this book or her sweet mom. I hope she is resting in peace and finding comfort in seeing her daughter be such a resilient woman with so much heart and soul. Go read this!!!
April 17, 2024
i'm not frequently rendered speechless by a book. i always find myself wanting to discuss, to dissect. "rabbit heart" leaves me pensive but not silent. i'm stifling a scream for kathy, for kristine, for every woman in the world, and for myself too.
March 22, 2024
Dark, dark, dark. Super traumatic. Very graphic about her own trauma, very sexual in her adolescence. I applaud her bravery for putting it out there, but it was difficult to read.
March 28, 2024
BEST book I’ve read this year
March 30, 2024
I 100% understand why people are loving this book. It’s well written and a great exploration of grief but it wasn’t for me.
April 8, 2024
One of the most beautiful, vulnerable, haunting, heartbreaking and yet hopeful memoirs I have ever read. Wow.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews