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Devout: A Memoir of Doubt
An eye-opening memoir that reconciles the author’s bipolar disorder diagnosis and her Evangelical faith to create a new framework for which to live.
In this revelatory memoir seeking to bridge the gap between science and spirituality, Anna Gazmarian tells the story of how her Evangelical upbringing in Winston Salem, North Carolina, provided an inadequate framework to understand the mental health diagnosis she received, and the work she had to do to find proper medical treatment while also maintaining her faith.
When Anna is diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2011, she’s faced with a while the diagnosis provides clarity about her manic and depressive episodes, growing up in an Evangelical community means that her diagnosis is regarded as an affliction of the spirit rather than a medical condition. In the next ten years, we follow Anna on her journey to reframe her understanding of mental health to expand the limits of what her religious faith can offer.
In a society that pits our devotion to a higher power against a belief in medicine, A Memoir of Doubt is a necessary narrative to show that the pursuit in our mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual well-being is all governed by faith, and our fear of falling short makes us all human.
In this revelatory memoir seeking to bridge the gap between science and spirituality, Anna Gazmarian tells the story of how her Evangelical upbringing in Winston Salem, North Carolina, provided an inadequate framework to understand the mental health diagnosis she received, and the work she had to do to find proper medical treatment while also maintaining her faith.
When Anna is diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2011, she’s faced with a while the diagnosis provides clarity about her manic and depressive episodes, growing up in an Evangelical community means that her diagnosis is regarded as an affliction of the spirit rather than a medical condition. In the next ten years, we follow Anna on her journey to reframe her understanding of mental health to expand the limits of what her religious faith can offer.
In a society that pits our devotion to a higher power against a belief in medicine, A Memoir of Doubt is a necessary narrative to show that the pursuit in our mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual well-being is all governed by faith, and our fear of falling short makes us all human.
192 pages, Hardcover
First published March 12, 2024
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October 29, 2023
We've come to expect a certain sense of drama when it comes to memoirs centered around mental health, a sort of chaos meets crisis narrative arc.
Yet, as I was winding down my time with Anna Gazmarian's "Devout: A Memoir of Doubt," I was truck by a sense of almost eerie calm.
It was unusual, really. It was surprising. To be honest, it was a little jarring. It wasn't that Gazmarian hadn't invited me into her world, especially her world of the past 10-12 years after she was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Type 2, in 2011. She had. She writes with honesty and vulnerability throughout "Devout."
I have read quite a few memoirs dealing around aspects of faith and mental health, a fact partly owing to my own background and partly owing to having lost my wife to suicide. In most cases, these memoirs may be beautifully written but I often find that they center themselves around an almost cosmetic view of faith or, alternately, the trauma and drama of the mental health diagnosis.
Both are valuable. Both are necessary.
Yet, with "Devout" I am struck by how centered it is around Anna herself. There's a difference and it feels profound. It feels as if "Devout" lays the groundwork for how one should write about mental health and faith, disability and faith, trauma and faith and so on.
While there's certainly trauma here and certainly drama here, "Devout" finds its narrative power through the lens of Anna's constant searching for her own life's meaning, for human connection, and for how to reconcile her faith with a mental health diagnosis she was raised being told was an affliction of the spirit.
As a paraplegic/double amputee with spina bifida (and a very recent two-time cancer survivor), I resonated deeply with Anna's struggle to balance her deep faith, which is evident throughout, and a diagnosis that doesn't look or feel like the pretty pictures we're sold about what a life of faith will look like.
I have been told more times than I can count that my various afflictions are the result of a lack of faith, a spiritual affliction, or I have had people shake their heads at me because I refuse to simply gloss over it all because, well, Jesus. You know?
Somehow, Gazmarian paints a beautiful portrait of her faith journey yet an equally honest and beautiful portrait of her journey toward learning to live faithfully with a mental health diagnosis. She shares the struggles with those who don't understand, the joys of experiencing those who do, the poignancy of finding meaningful relationships, and the power of leaning into your dreams despite the uncertainty of them all.
I so often finish books like "Doubt" with a sense of melancholy. With "Devout," I experienced the author's highs and lows but also her constant sense of wonder, hope, perseverance, and faith. In fact, I'd dare say that as the final pages arrived I was immersed in an absolutely remarkable sense of faith.
The real power of "Devout" sneaks up on you. It's in the days that follow reading "Devout" that you begin to realize how much it has crept into your heart and into your mind. "Devout" may be a memoir of doubt, but it is most certainly an affirmation of love and hope and faith and the glorious imperfections that connect us all.
Yet, as I was winding down my time with Anna Gazmarian's "Devout: A Memoir of Doubt," I was truck by a sense of almost eerie calm.
It was unusual, really. It was surprising. To be honest, it was a little jarring. It wasn't that Gazmarian hadn't invited me into her world, especially her world of the past 10-12 years after she was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Type 2, in 2011. She had. She writes with honesty and vulnerability throughout "Devout."
I have read quite a few memoirs dealing around aspects of faith and mental health, a fact partly owing to my own background and partly owing to having lost my wife to suicide. In most cases, these memoirs may be beautifully written but I often find that they center themselves around an almost cosmetic view of faith or, alternately, the trauma and drama of the mental health diagnosis.
Both are valuable. Both are necessary.
Yet, with "Devout" I am struck by how centered it is around Anna herself. There's a difference and it feels profound. It feels as if "Devout" lays the groundwork for how one should write about mental health and faith, disability and faith, trauma and faith and so on.
While there's certainly trauma here and certainly drama here, "Devout" finds its narrative power through the lens of Anna's constant searching for her own life's meaning, for human connection, and for how to reconcile her faith with a mental health diagnosis she was raised being told was an affliction of the spirit.
As a paraplegic/double amputee with spina bifida (and a very recent two-time cancer survivor), I resonated deeply with Anna's struggle to balance her deep faith, which is evident throughout, and a diagnosis that doesn't look or feel like the pretty pictures we're sold about what a life of faith will look like.
I have been told more times than I can count that my various afflictions are the result of a lack of faith, a spiritual affliction, or I have had people shake their heads at me because I refuse to simply gloss over it all because, well, Jesus. You know?
Somehow, Gazmarian paints a beautiful portrait of her faith journey yet an equally honest and beautiful portrait of her journey toward learning to live faithfully with a mental health diagnosis. She shares the struggles with those who don't understand, the joys of experiencing those who do, the poignancy of finding meaningful relationships, and the power of leaning into your dreams despite the uncertainty of them all.
I so often finish books like "Doubt" with a sense of melancholy. With "Devout," I experienced the author's highs and lows but also her constant sense of wonder, hope, perseverance, and faith. In fact, I'd dare say that as the final pages arrived I was immersed in an absolutely remarkable sense of faith.
The real power of "Devout" sneaks up on you. It's in the days that follow reading "Devout" that you begin to realize how much it has crept into your heart and into your mind. "Devout" may be a memoir of doubt, but it is most certainly an affirmation of love and hope and faith and the glorious imperfections that connect us all.
January 24, 2024
Gazmarian’s faith was the center of her upbringing. As a child (and even in to her adult years) however, she struggled with doubt—not a doubt in faith itself but a doubt that her faith wasn’t everything that it should be. As a freshman in college, determined to be a good Christian, she was re-baptized hoping to erase any doubts that lingered. When she then became forgetful, depressed, and suicidal, more doubts began to pop up and she struggled with how to cope within the scope of her faith—where suicidal ideation was viewed as the work of the devil. With no other options, she visits a doctor who gives her a shiny new diagnosis of bipolar disorder.
Gazmarian takes readers along for the ride as she navigates her new diagnosis and what it means in terms of her faith—ultimately unlearning many things that were ingrained in to her. She writes with humble honesty using sharp, clear prose.
This book is a testament of courage and resiliency. I believe that a good book is a book that can make you feel something and is an added bonus if it challenges your beliefs or makes you look at something in a different light. This memoir did both of those things for me and I loved it.
Thank you NetGalley for my digital copy! Out 03/12/2024
Gazmarian takes readers along for the ride as she navigates her new diagnosis and what it means in terms of her faith—ultimately unlearning many things that were ingrained in to her. She writes with humble honesty using sharp, clear prose.
This book is a testament of courage and resiliency. I believe that a good book is a book that can make you feel something and is an added bonus if it challenges your beliefs or makes you look at something in a different light. This memoir did both of those things for me and I loved it.
Thank you NetGalley for my digital copy! Out 03/12/2024
November 7, 2023
ARC for review. TBP March 12, 2024.
Anna Gazmarian spent the early part of her life trying to reconcile her diagnosis of bipolar disorder with her membership in the Evangelical church. It was not always easy, and she met with some rejection from some key members of her spiritual journey.
While reading I had to remind myself that this was not intended to be an expose of the church and that the author was looking for acceptance within its ranks. For someone like me who generally looks at Evangelicals as “others” I had to keep reminding myself of this.
Likewise, Gazmarian uses a great deal of Scripture throughout the book and she certainly knows her Bible. However, this won’t necessarily resonate with readers who don’t have a Bible verse for every problem.
All that said, I liked the book. The author struggles, but never gives up on herself, even when things are bleak. She had several good mentors along the way and she also manages to meet the perfect man, so she’s got that going for her. Overall I admired her spirit, and even though this book likely wasn’t directed toward readers liked me I still enjoyed it.
Anna Gazmarian spent the early part of her life trying to reconcile her diagnosis of bipolar disorder with her membership in the Evangelical church. It was not always easy, and she met with some rejection from some key members of her spiritual journey.
While reading I had to remind myself that this was not intended to be an expose of the church and that the author was looking for acceptance within its ranks. For someone like me who generally looks at Evangelicals as “others” I had to keep reminding myself of this.
Likewise, Gazmarian uses a great deal of Scripture throughout the book and she certainly knows her Bible. However, this won’t necessarily resonate with readers who don’t have a Bible verse for every problem.
All that said, I liked the book. The author struggles, but never gives up on herself, even when things are bleak. She had several good mentors along the way and she also manages to meet the perfect man, so she’s got that going for her. Overall I admired her spirit, and even though this book likely wasn’t directed toward readers liked me I still enjoyed it.
September 16, 2023
In Devout, Anna Gazmarian reexamines the Bible and her Evangelical upbringing through the lens of bipolar disease to uncover both the violations and gifts of the religious tradition from which she emerged. A smart and searching account of one woman’s journey away from inherited shame and into the light of love.
March 8, 2024
Thank you Book Club Favorites, Simon & Schuster, and Simon Audio for my #gifted copy of Devout!
𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐭: 𝐀 𝐌𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐢𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐃𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐭
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫: 𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐆𝐚𝐳𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧
𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫: 𝐑𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐥 𝐋𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠
𝐏𝐮𝐛 𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞: 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝟏𝟐, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒
Devout, a memoir, written by Anna Gazmarian, helps to bridge the gap between science and spirituality. With an Evangelical upbringing in North Carolina, Gazmarian struggled to understand her own mental health diagnosis, which is regarded as an affliction of the spirit rather than a medical condition. When she is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, we follow Gazmarian on her journey as she begins to better understand her own mental health and how that coincides with her religious beliefs.
I found this book to be beautifully written. The author provided such a raw and truthful look at her life, her mental health, and her faith. This was my first memoir that dealt with both mental health and faith, and I really enjoyed the perspective from the author and I feel like I was able to learn and reflect quite a bit while listening to this book.
I listened to the audiobook, narrated by Rachel Leblang. I feel as though Leblang did an exceptional job with her performance and I really enjoyed my listening experience. While the audiobook is fairly quick, at just over 4.5 hours, the impact is long-lasting. I definitely recommend picking this one up on audio!
𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐭: 𝐀 𝐌𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐢𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐃𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐭
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫: 𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐆𝐚𝐳𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧
𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫: 𝐑𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐥 𝐋𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠
𝐏𝐮𝐛 𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞: 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝟏𝟐, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒
Devout, a memoir, written by Anna Gazmarian, helps to bridge the gap between science and spirituality. With an Evangelical upbringing in North Carolina, Gazmarian struggled to understand her own mental health diagnosis, which is regarded as an affliction of the spirit rather than a medical condition. When she is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, we follow Gazmarian on her journey as she begins to better understand her own mental health and how that coincides with her religious beliefs.
I found this book to be beautifully written. The author provided such a raw and truthful look at her life, her mental health, and her faith. This was my first memoir that dealt with both mental health and faith, and I really enjoyed the perspective from the author and I feel like I was able to learn and reflect quite a bit while listening to this book.
I listened to the audiobook, narrated by Rachel Leblang. I feel as though Leblang did an exceptional job with her performance and I really enjoyed my listening experience. While the audiobook is fairly quick, at just over 4.5 hours, the impact is long-lasting. I definitely recommend picking this one up on audio!
February 28, 2024
I was so excited to read this ARC I started reading it as soon as I got approved. As someone who has dealt with mental health issues as well as religious trauma; I thought it would really resonate with me. Unfortunately, it was a 2 star read for me. DNF at 54%
The book felt like something a college student would write as an essay for class; or as a dissertation. It felt too dry. I wanted more emotion.
I was not expecting the numerous (and often detailed) biblical stories. I know a major plot point was regarding faith and religion, but I think the audience would already know of the stories (Moses, Job, etc).
Some parts felt disconnected or unclear. I wanted to understand why/how her doctor came up with her diagnosis. I think it's important to give more context regarding the diagnosis and process.
The book felt like something a college student would write as an essay for class; or as a dissertation. It felt too dry. I wanted more emotion.
I was not expecting the numerous (and often detailed) biblical stories. I know a major plot point was regarding faith and religion, but I think the audience would already know of the stories (Moses, Job, etc).
Some parts felt disconnected or unclear. I wanted to understand why/how her doctor came up with her diagnosis. I think it's important to give more context regarding the diagnosis and process.
December 25, 2023
Full disclosure: Anna's my friend. I had a front row seat to seeing her write and revise this book. So, you could say I'm partial to her, and to her debut memoir. Make of that what you will.
The great theologian Rowan Williams has argued that the best arguments for God's existence aren't arguments at all; if you want to see whether there's anything to this "God" idea, you should look to the lives of certain people, people who take responsibility for making God trustworthy in the world. Up against typical arguments against theism — the suffering of innocents, a world littered with injustices, the inescapability of death — you can still find people who live, in the midst of these realities, with a sense of trust.
I list Anna Gazmarian among them. This little book — highly readable, at turns funny and shattering — is a testimony of striving toward the light even when the author herself can't see it, a witness to the fact that there is still something to this "God" thing, even when the truth of God's love has been obscured by bad theology. Anna finds her way home not mainly through theology, or biblical exegesis, or logical proofs about God's true nature; she finds it through a spirituality that is truly incarnational, the love of God made tangible in the relationships that lift and sustain her. In this sense, she's not offering easy answers; hers is a faith that requires direct experience of the doubts of the dark night as well as the consolations of faith, the Cross as well as the empty tomb.
In any event, I hope you'll read this book. I'm proud of Anna. I'm also grateful for her — her faith and her doubts, and her willingness take us through the depths of her own despair to show us that there is still reason to rejoice.
The great theologian Rowan Williams has argued that the best arguments for God's existence aren't arguments at all; if you want to see whether there's anything to this "God" idea, you should look to the lives of certain people, people who take responsibility for making God trustworthy in the world. Up against typical arguments against theism — the suffering of innocents, a world littered with injustices, the inescapability of death — you can still find people who live, in the midst of these realities, with a sense of trust.
I list Anna Gazmarian among them. This little book — highly readable, at turns funny and shattering — is a testimony of striving toward the light even when the author herself can't see it, a witness to the fact that there is still something to this "God" thing, even when the truth of God's love has been obscured by bad theology. Anna finds her way home not mainly through theology, or biblical exegesis, or logical proofs about God's true nature; she finds it through a spirituality that is truly incarnational, the love of God made tangible in the relationships that lift and sustain her. In this sense, she's not offering easy answers; hers is a faith that requires direct experience of the doubts of the dark night as well as the consolations of faith, the Cross as well as the empty tomb.
In any event, I hope you'll read this book. I'm proud of Anna. I'm also grateful for her — her faith and her doubts, and her willingness take us through the depths of her own despair to show us that there is still reason to rejoice.
December 9, 2023
I’ve been looking forward to this book since it was announced, and I’m so grateful I was lucky enough to receive an ARC before its release. DEVOUT is about the author’s evangelical upbringing, her bipolar disorder diagnosis, and the tension between blind faith and medical intervention. The narrative swings on a pendulum between doubt and belief, despair and hope, confusion and clarity. Anna’s style is earnest and warm—a confidant telling you her secrets and inviting you to whisper your own back into the pages of the book. I recognized myself and my own journey on many levels while reading this book, and I’m grateful to Anna for peeling back the layers of her life so vulnerably. This book great for private reading, but I think it would be even better for group discussion.
March 9, 2024
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Devout: A Memoir of Doubt by Anna Gazmarian is a raw and honest memoir of her experience growing up in a conservative American Evangelical church and dealing with a bipolar disorder diagnosis that upends her world.
Her story starts when she is in college and receives a bipolar disorder diagnosis after years of unusual behaviors like manic episodes, obsessiveness, and depression. She seeks counsel from trusted church leaders and mentors, only to find that the comfort she hopes for feels trite and unhelpful. As a devout believer, she'd already tried the typical "Christian" ways of handling her illness - prayer, reading the Bible, and advice from pastors - but none of it made a dent and sometimes it made her feel worse. Well-meaning people told her to "cast her anxieties on Jesus!" and "just try to be happy!" Each of these encounters left her feeling unheard, misunderstood, and hopeless. Eventually, she placed herself under the care of a psychiatrist who was able to help her manage her bipolar symptoms with different cocktails of medication.
Anna Gazmarian's memoir takes us through her life up to now - through periods of deep depression and inability to function, periods of happiness and love, and her education in creative writing. Her journey is not unique, and it exposes shortcomings within the American Evangelical church system that traumatize and fail people again and again.
This book was a quick read that I finished in a day. Gazmarian's story is vitally important and one that is often overlooked or written off by evangelicals. It is easy for someone with a mental illness and diagnosis - or even just a complex problem - to feel dismissed and invalidated by the church. We need more stories like this to show that people can come through such issues and keep their faith in Jesus even if it doesn't look the same as it did before. We need more stories that show us this is ok.
I liked how she shared her experiences talking to Christians about her problems and how she felt in those moments. She gave background about various Biblical principles that led her to believe certain things and how her experience of life ultimately forced her to change her approach. I skimmed a lot of the Biblical descriptions because it was mostly things I knew already. The writing was well done, although I did sense some of the manic thought processes in a few areas - but it adds to the authenticity of her story. I think many people will feel seen when they read this. I applaud Anna Gazmarian for her bravery in sharing this open and sometimes heartbreaking tale of her life.
If you are someone who has experienced a similar situation or you want to better understand what it is like for a devout Christian believer to face a serious mental diagnosis, then you need to read Anna Gazmarian's memoir.
You can pre-order your copy coming out on March 12, 2024. Special thanks to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for an early look at this book in exchange for my honest review.
Devout: A Memoir of Doubt by Anna Gazmarian is a raw and honest memoir of her experience growing up in a conservative American Evangelical church and dealing with a bipolar disorder diagnosis that upends her world.
Her story starts when she is in college and receives a bipolar disorder diagnosis after years of unusual behaviors like manic episodes, obsessiveness, and depression. She seeks counsel from trusted church leaders and mentors, only to find that the comfort she hopes for feels trite and unhelpful. As a devout believer, she'd already tried the typical "Christian" ways of handling her illness - prayer, reading the Bible, and advice from pastors - but none of it made a dent and sometimes it made her feel worse. Well-meaning people told her to "cast her anxieties on Jesus!" and "just try to be happy!" Each of these encounters left her feeling unheard, misunderstood, and hopeless. Eventually, she placed herself under the care of a psychiatrist who was able to help her manage her bipolar symptoms with different cocktails of medication.
Anna Gazmarian's memoir takes us through her life up to now - through periods of deep depression and inability to function, periods of happiness and love, and her education in creative writing. Her journey is not unique, and it exposes shortcomings within the American Evangelical church system that traumatize and fail people again and again.
This book was a quick read that I finished in a day. Gazmarian's story is vitally important and one that is often overlooked or written off by evangelicals. It is easy for someone with a mental illness and diagnosis - or even just a complex problem - to feel dismissed and invalidated by the church. We need more stories like this to show that people can come through such issues and keep their faith in Jesus even if it doesn't look the same as it did before. We need more stories that show us this is ok.
I liked how she shared her experiences talking to Christians about her problems and how she felt in those moments. She gave background about various Biblical principles that led her to believe certain things and how her experience of life ultimately forced her to change her approach. I skimmed a lot of the Biblical descriptions because it was mostly things I knew already. The writing was well done, although I did sense some of the manic thought processes in a few areas - but it adds to the authenticity of her story. I think many people will feel seen when they read this. I applaud Anna Gazmarian for her bravery in sharing this open and sometimes heartbreaking tale of her life.
If you are someone who has experienced a similar situation or you want to better understand what it is like for a devout Christian believer to face a serious mental diagnosis, then you need to read Anna Gazmarian's memoir.
You can pre-order your copy coming out on March 12, 2024. Special thanks to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for an early look at this book in exchange for my honest review.
March 30, 2024
I’ve tried to write this review a few different times and it kept becoming an overshare of growing up Catholic and how much I related to that aspect of this author’s journey. To keep this from being too lengthy I will spare anyone reading this from my personal issues I continue to work through 😂.
I didn’t realize how religion focused this book was going to be, some of the stories the author shares from the Bible I recognized, others I didn’t, but there are sections where they’re quite detailed as she ties them to her own experiences as she manages her bi-polar diagnosis and her faith, and how her mental health is addressed by those around her in the Evangelical Community.
Some of this was tough to read. The author jumps around to different schools and various doctors, shared her experiences with the different medications she’s given, lists all the side effects, and the impact it has on her life and her ability to be a “normal” adult.
I think one thing I noticed about her journey while reading, is that despite her depression and her bi-polar disorder making her feel like she was alone, as she walks down the aisle at her wedding and leads a lecture for her MFA, at those big pivotal moments, she mentions all the people around her and how they’d helped her in someway during the hardest times.
I appreciated that as she got older, that she was able to find a church and a community that fit what she needed when it came to her faith. Some people leave their religion completely, she just needed to find the community that met her needs and shared her understanding of faith.
Overall, while this was sometimes hard to read because of the topics, it’s very well written, and not too long.
Content Warnings: Mental Illness, Suicidal Thoughts, Religious Trauma
Thank you @netgalley and @simonbooks for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.
I didn’t realize how religion focused this book was going to be, some of the stories the author shares from the Bible I recognized, others I didn’t, but there are sections where they’re quite detailed as she ties them to her own experiences as she manages her bi-polar diagnosis and her faith, and how her mental health is addressed by those around her in the Evangelical Community.
Some of this was tough to read. The author jumps around to different schools and various doctors, shared her experiences with the different medications she’s given, lists all the side effects, and the impact it has on her life and her ability to be a “normal” adult.
I think one thing I noticed about her journey while reading, is that despite her depression and her bi-polar disorder making her feel like she was alone, as she walks down the aisle at her wedding and leads a lecture for her MFA, at those big pivotal moments, she mentions all the people around her and how they’d helped her in someway during the hardest times.
I appreciated that as she got older, that she was able to find a church and a community that fit what she needed when it came to her faith. Some people leave their religion completely, she just needed to find the community that met her needs and shared her understanding of faith.
Overall, while this was sometimes hard to read because of the topics, it’s very well written, and not too long.
Content Warnings: Mental Illness, Suicidal Thoughts, Religious Trauma
Thank you @netgalley and @simonbooks for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.
March 19, 2024
As someone who has both struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a child AND also grew up in an evangelical church, this book truly resonated with me. I really admire the author's transparency in how she deals with her Bipolar 2 diagnosis AND the blow-back she gets from both her parents and her church [CAN you even imagine being told by a pastor that you have to leave the church you are in because you are distracting a young man who had shown interest in you AND because your "mental health issues" were too much for the church to handle? I just broke down crying at that point, for her and for all those in that "church" that are being ignored and dismissed because of illness] and how she finally finds a modicum of peace and love with her husband, a new supportive caring church and her realization that her belief system was based on GOD and Him alone and not the "church" that was telling her how to live and be and behave [so grateful she found a church that not only supports her in her illness, but encourages both medication and therapy - what a wonderful thing].
While my own hurts from the church are too deep for me to even consider going back to that lifestyle, my faith in what I believe and in God, while changed somewhat, has remained firm and this book really encouraged me in in a time when I have been struggling and I am grateful for that. Seeing how the author has navigated those waters and how it has helped her, in turn helped me and that was one of the best things about this book.
This was a wonderful read with a really great end, which was unexpected. The author is open about all she has dealt and struggled with [and continues to do so; as one of her therapists told her, she will never not be able to live without medication and therapy] and shares her doubt and questions and her truths. It was very open and eye-opening and even in the midst of my current struggles, very encouraging.
Thank you to NetGalley, Anna Gazmarian, and Simon and Schuster for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
While my own hurts from the church are too deep for me to even consider going back to that lifestyle, my faith in what I believe and in God, while changed somewhat, has remained firm and this book really encouraged me in in a time when I have been struggling and I am grateful for that. Seeing how the author has navigated those waters and how it has helped her, in turn helped me and that was one of the best things about this book.
This was a wonderful read with a really great end, which was unexpected. The author is open about all she has dealt and struggled with [and continues to do so; as one of her therapists told her, she will never not be able to live without medication and therapy] and shares her doubt and questions and her truths. It was very open and eye-opening and even in the midst of my current struggles, very encouraging.
Thank you to NetGalley, Anna Gazmarian, and Simon and Schuster for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
March 29, 2024
I’m weighing the pros and cons of writing a review for this book because I typically don’t like to leave harsh reviews for memoir given the courage they take to write and how hard it is to get published.
However, this book has some big issues when it comes to psychiatry that are so antiquated, I’m shocked Simon and Shuster allowed this to be published in 2024. As someone who works in the field, I couldn’t get past this because it represents one of the most damaging subsets of psychiatry: well intentioned docs who never once stop to ask, is the treatment actually helping?
The book is rampant with anecdotes about a chemical imbalance theory of mental illness that has long been debunked, seemingly reckless and flippant mentions of medication changes, and straight up incorrect and/or questionable science. For example, bipolar is not caused by too few serotonin receptors as mentioned on page 145. But long term use of psychiatric drugs do cause receptors to downregulate as a compensatory response to the increased synaptic serotonin levels. The distinction here is important because the story revolves around the author accepting a diagnosis and for years and taking powerful drugs to deal with it. Not only is an incorrect explanation given, which is egregious on Simon & Schuster’s part, but it’s more likely that the drugs themselves were/are causing a cascade of these issues, and yet not one of her providers brought this up as a possibility. If the author explored this in real life, it wasn’t expressed in the writing. Without that key component, the book feels like it was sponsored by Big Pharma and has a strong chance of keeping people sick when in reality, polypharmacy is at least part of the problem.
The actual story, I’m sure, is more nuanced. But that is not what was in this book, and all we have is the words on the page.
However, this book has some big issues when it comes to psychiatry that are so antiquated, I’m shocked Simon and Shuster allowed this to be published in 2024. As someone who works in the field, I couldn’t get past this because it represents one of the most damaging subsets of psychiatry: well intentioned docs who never once stop to ask, is the treatment actually helping?
The book is rampant with anecdotes about a chemical imbalance theory of mental illness that has long been debunked, seemingly reckless and flippant mentions of medication changes, and straight up incorrect and/or questionable science. For example, bipolar is not caused by too few serotonin receptors as mentioned on page 145. But long term use of psychiatric drugs do cause receptors to downregulate as a compensatory response to the increased synaptic serotonin levels. The distinction here is important because the story revolves around the author accepting a diagnosis and for years and taking powerful drugs to deal with it. Not only is an incorrect explanation given, which is egregious on Simon & Schuster’s part, but it’s more likely that the drugs themselves were/are causing a cascade of these issues, and yet not one of her providers brought this up as a possibility. If the author explored this in real life, it wasn’t expressed in the writing. Without that key component, the book feels like it was sponsored by Big Pharma and has a strong chance of keeping people sick when in reality, polypharmacy is at least part of the problem.
The actual story, I’m sure, is more nuanced. But that is not what was in this book, and all we have is the words on the page.
March 26, 2024
A memoir of mental illness and faith. The church isn’t much help with praying away her mental illness. The real heroes are her parents and husband who stand by her side through multiple colleges and psychiatrists until she finds a cure.
April 12, 2024
I read this book and am a therapist. I found this book helpful in my work and think it’s important to hear first hand of people with lived experiences share their mental health journey. I will not forget the lessons from this book and can’t wait to read more from Anna! 💚
February 11, 2024
Devout by Anna Gazmarian provides an in-depth look at the church’s stance on illness, disease, misfortune, and mental illness.
Being ex-evangelical myself, I often struggled with the ways in which the author processed through her religious trauma while still clinging to the purity culture and religious ideals of her youth.
Despite the Bible verses and rather large chunks of the narrative in which the author tells a story from the Bible (that I often felt could have been abbreviated), the writing felt dry. It did not inspire a great sense of emotion or feeling from me. Despite the fact that this a subject matter that should resonate with me.
Being ex-evangelical myself, I often struggled with the ways in which the author processed through her religious trauma while still clinging to the purity culture and religious ideals of her youth.
Despite the Bible verses and rather large chunks of the narrative in which the author tells a story from the Bible (that I often felt could have been abbreviated), the writing felt dry. It did not inspire a great sense of emotion or feeling from me. Despite the fact that this a subject matter that should resonate with me.
March 17, 2024
Anna Gazmarian shares hard-won revelations --- some emotionally harrowing and others spiritually uplifting --- in DEVOUT, a memoir of disability and determination.
Receiving a diagnosis of ADHD in grade school when she found it impossible to sit still or refrain from talking, Gazmarian would face challenge after challenge. Absorbing the fundamental religion of her family, she began to fear that she was possessed by demons. She also questioned if those who sought relief from distress and disease from Jesus were possibly suffering from the sort of mental torments that would plague her for many years.
Seeking help from doctors, Gazmarian was prescribed drugs that at times seemed to offer no relief. She would be advised by other medical professionals to stop taking all such drugs, and sometimes she herself would choose to take or not take them. She was often deeply depressed, feeling shame for her diagnosis, which later would evolve into bipolar disorder and continuing to look for comfort within her Christian faith.
Gazmarian developed her writing talents while in college, helping her to see her personal dilemmas as transformative when put in poetic form. Meeting her husband-to-be, David, she found love, commonality of perspective and remarkable communication. With Gazmarian still battling her disorder and David sometimes lunging into his own bouts of depression, they joined a religious group that gave them a sense of increasing inner and outer approval. Her spiritual life deepened when she gave birth and has continued to reward her with a sense of hope, expressed plainly and poignantly in these vibrant recollections.
Gazmarian has developed a career in creative writing, with essays and journalistic pieces appearing in notable publications such as The Sun and The Guardian. It is clear from this engaging memoir that she has moved even farther into the realm of poignant and piquant prose, conveying here both the humor and the horror of her struggles. DEVOUT will touch readers who suffer from psychological difficulties, as well as those who simply wish to emulate her rare combination of strength and tenderness.
The book concludes with a message for Gazmarian’s child, offering the wisdom that “this world gives us plenty of reasons to stop, pay attention, and let awe overwhelm us.”
Reviewed by Barbara Bamberger Scott
Receiving a diagnosis of ADHD in grade school when she found it impossible to sit still or refrain from talking, Gazmarian would face challenge after challenge. Absorbing the fundamental religion of her family, she began to fear that she was possessed by demons. She also questioned if those who sought relief from distress and disease from Jesus were possibly suffering from the sort of mental torments that would plague her for many years.
Seeking help from doctors, Gazmarian was prescribed drugs that at times seemed to offer no relief. She would be advised by other medical professionals to stop taking all such drugs, and sometimes she herself would choose to take or not take them. She was often deeply depressed, feeling shame for her diagnosis, which later would evolve into bipolar disorder and continuing to look for comfort within her Christian faith.
Gazmarian developed her writing talents while in college, helping her to see her personal dilemmas as transformative when put in poetic form. Meeting her husband-to-be, David, she found love, commonality of perspective and remarkable communication. With Gazmarian still battling her disorder and David sometimes lunging into his own bouts of depression, they joined a religious group that gave them a sense of increasing inner and outer approval. Her spiritual life deepened when she gave birth and has continued to reward her with a sense of hope, expressed plainly and poignantly in these vibrant recollections.
Gazmarian has developed a career in creative writing, with essays and journalistic pieces appearing in notable publications such as The Sun and The Guardian. It is clear from this engaging memoir that she has moved even farther into the realm of poignant and piquant prose, conveying here both the humor and the horror of her struggles. DEVOUT will touch readers who suffer from psychological difficulties, as well as those who simply wish to emulate her rare combination of strength and tenderness.
The book concludes with a message for Gazmarian’s child, offering the wisdom that “this world gives us plenty of reasons to stop, pay attention, and let awe overwhelm us.”
Reviewed by Barbara Bamberger Scott
April 19, 2024
I am grateful Anna was brave enough to write this book. I feel it is a God send to my own spiritual development. I’m a few years younger, but I grew up in the same area as Anna, and was involved in a few of the same organizations. The religious OCD (constantly worrying about going to hell over a minor mistake) got so bad at one point, and happened to other girls I knew as well. It’s as though this was programmed into us. Anyone who thinks this is a normal way to live is either confused, or feels empowered by controlling and manipulating others.
Anna reminds me a lot of myself. We feel things very deeply, and have a spiritual drive that there is something bigger than us. However, we struggle to grasp the archaic concepts taught to us, and felt judgment from our peers if anything was questioned.
I haven’t attended church since I graduated high school, but these cords were a little easier for me to cut because my family does not hold religious extremist views. She may not have exposed as much as she could have about the church, but I understand why because I personally know who she’s surrounded by. She married into a family that feels empowered by immediately judging anyone different, yet she adores her husband and wants to keep the peace as much as possible.
Now that I’m older, I’m able to let go of the shame that was drilled into me. I was a child, and my minor mistakes were not a good reason to ostracize me, or make me feel like I would be immediately sent to hell. My last year of high school, the mask came off and I began to see what the youth group we went to was really about and who was really “guiding us.” Except for one genuine youth pastor, these people are in it for the self righteous ego boost they get. They will grasp at straws to shove someone out who does not “fit the mold” or does not blindly follow them. I dealt with realizing this by dissociating and not thinking about it as much as possible, and to this day I’m embarrassed that I stayed for so long. Reading this book is allowing those memories to gently come back and be reprocessed.
I hope if she ever reads this review, it will help her realize that the way she’s been treated has nothing to do with her. This book is allowing me to see that, and release some of the shame and guilt that was drilled into me.
Anna reminds me a lot of myself. We feel things very deeply, and have a spiritual drive that there is something bigger than us. However, we struggle to grasp the archaic concepts taught to us, and felt judgment from our peers if anything was questioned.
I haven’t attended church since I graduated high school, but these cords were a little easier for me to cut because my family does not hold religious extremist views. She may not have exposed as much as she could have about the church, but I understand why because I personally know who she’s surrounded by. She married into a family that feels empowered by immediately judging anyone different, yet she adores her husband and wants to keep the peace as much as possible.
Now that I’m older, I’m able to let go of the shame that was drilled into me. I was a child, and my minor mistakes were not a good reason to ostracize me, or make me feel like I would be immediately sent to hell. My last year of high school, the mask came off and I began to see what the youth group we went to was really about and who was really “guiding us.” Except for one genuine youth pastor, these people are in it for the self righteous ego boost they get. They will grasp at straws to shove someone out who does not “fit the mold” or does not blindly follow them. I dealt with realizing this by dissociating and not thinking about it as much as possible, and to this day I’m embarrassed that I stayed for so long. Reading this book is allowing those memories to gently come back and be reprocessed.
I hope if she ever reads this review, it will help her realize that the way she’s been treated has nothing to do with her. This book is allowing me to see that, and release some of the shame and guilt that was drilled into me.
March 12, 2024
Normally, I have a really hard time giving negative reviews to memoirs. If someone was brave enough to share their story, I have to give them so much credit. However, this book just missed the mark with me in a ton of ways. Gazmarian was raised in an evangelical Christian household, and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder during her college years. She faced some mistreatment and some internal shame about her diagnosis (since technically you should be able to 'pray the sadness away.') But for some reason, it felt like there wasn't a lot of depth to this account, even though Gazmarian was definitely suffering. She recounts not feeling like she fit into the church and she did question her faith at times, but overall, she ended up still being pretty connected to God and religion. The ending also felt super rushed - after she had a baby, she was basically fine (or at least that's how it read). Another huge turn-off for me was all of the many Bible stories she included - I felt myself kind of skimming past these, but maybe for someone who loves religion, this would have been an interesting part of the text.
I applaud Gazmarian for sharing her experiences, but I think her story would have been much more effective as an essay versus a whole book. And, it would have been way more powerful if she dug more into her evangelical roots and the church's treatment of mental health issues rather than just recounting some of her youth group days.
*Free ARC provided by Netgalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review*
I applaud Gazmarian for sharing her experiences, but I think her story would have been much more effective as an essay versus a whole book. And, it would have been way more powerful if she dug more into her evangelical roots and the church's treatment of mental health issues rather than just recounting some of her youth group days.
*Free ARC provided by Netgalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review*
February 5, 2024
Some of this book I felt like I could have written myself. I too have bipolar type two, and it was a struggle to find the right medication. Being unmedicated was a whirlwind, and then finding the right medication is tumultuous. I called it playing medication roulette. You never know what you’re going to get.
I did drift a little during some of the more spiritual aspects of this book, though I was grateful for the fact that Anna had her faith to fall back on. I didn’t have this, I still don’t, and I often wonder what it would be like if I did. Would it be easier? Would it be harder as Anna sometimes pointed out? I don’t know, but I appreciated reading Anna’s point of view. Even more so, I appreciated that Anna didn’t preach that you needed to be religious in order to find peace, or help managing your bipolar despite it helping her on her journey. This meant the world to me.
So many things rang true to me in this book, it was just uncanny. It’s a heartfelt and honest book, and so well written. I am thankful that Anna found the peace she so rightfully deserves.
I liked how Anna ended the book with the birth of her daughter. It truly will be a whole new book now that she is born. Having a child has changed my relationship with this disease in many ways
Best wishes to you Anna and thank you for writing this book. Even while medicated life isn’t perfect, as you know. The struggle is still there, but we got this!
I did drift a little during some of the more spiritual aspects of this book, though I was grateful for the fact that Anna had her faith to fall back on. I didn’t have this, I still don’t, and I often wonder what it would be like if I did. Would it be easier? Would it be harder as Anna sometimes pointed out? I don’t know, but I appreciated reading Anna’s point of view. Even more so, I appreciated that Anna didn’t preach that you needed to be religious in order to find peace, or help managing your bipolar despite it helping her on her journey. This meant the world to me.
So many things rang true to me in this book, it was just uncanny. It’s a heartfelt and honest book, and so well written. I am thankful that Anna found the peace she so rightfully deserves.
I liked how Anna ended the book with the birth of her daughter. It truly will be a whole new book now that she is born. Having a child has changed my relationship with this disease in many ways
Best wishes to you Anna and thank you for writing this book. Even while medicated life isn’t perfect, as you know. The struggle is still there, but we got this!
December 6, 2023
I received a copy of this book ahead of its release via NetGalley.
I wanted to like this memoir more than I did, thinking it would be similar to Educated by Tara Westover, but the story fell flat for me. Though I was intrigued by the author's religious background and the intersection of her spirituality and mental health, I didn't realize just how dominant religion would be throughout the story. The inclusion of scripture and extensive description of biblical stories was simply overwhelming and I found myself skipping over them (and her descriptions of the many - many - churches she visited). One thing I did enjoy reading (that I did not expect) was how supportive her family was, even though it may not seem that way in the beginning.
Additionally, the author's interactions with different religious leaders, therapists, and medical professionals seemed superficial. I didn't feel connected to her or any of the other people in the story. The characters weren't well-developed and were often phased out as soon as they were introduced (i.e., her ex-boyfriend, the therapist she saw at NC State, her relationship with her husband).
Overall, I would give the book 2.5 stars, rounded to 3. I would recommend this book to individuals who enjoy reading about how scripture/religion is reflected in the everyday lives of others who are struggling with mental health.
I wanted to like this memoir more than I did, thinking it would be similar to Educated by Tara Westover, but the story fell flat for me. Though I was intrigued by the author's religious background and the intersection of her spirituality and mental health, I didn't realize just how dominant religion would be throughout the story. The inclusion of scripture and extensive description of biblical stories was simply overwhelming and I found myself skipping over them (and her descriptions of the many - many - churches she visited). One thing I did enjoy reading (that I did not expect) was how supportive her family was, even though it may not seem that way in the beginning.
Additionally, the author's interactions with different religious leaders, therapists, and medical professionals seemed superficial. I didn't feel connected to her or any of the other people in the story. The characters weren't well-developed and were often phased out as soon as they were introduced (i.e., her ex-boyfriend, the therapist she saw at NC State, her relationship with her husband).
Overall, I would give the book 2.5 stars, rounded to 3. I would recommend this book to individuals who enjoy reading about how scripture/religion is reflected in the everyday lives of others who are struggling with mental health.
November 8, 2023
It's often hard to rate and review memoirs as they're so raw, however this one proved otherwise. It was an easy, short read, which resonated with me in a way I didn't expect, despite having a similar background. I think I have about 40 highlighted passages in the Kindle file for this one, all of which I felt mirrored my own experiences, which helped it feel even more real for me. I love how it didn't end with Anna denouncing Christianity, but rather finding peace in the coexistance of both belonging to a church and having mental illness, which is something I don't recall ever seeing, to be honest. The only downfall which dropped it to a 4-star for me was the last couple of chapter being quite in-depth about her experience of being pregnant with her daughter and birthing her, settling into family life. This to me felt a bit disjointed from the rest of the narrative but also was heavily focused on the pregnancy in a way that largely overshadowed what I expected to be the purpose of the book: the duality and coexistance of faith and mental illness.
Thank you to Edelweiss and Simon & Schuster for providing me with this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you to Edelweiss and Simon & Schuster for providing me with this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
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February 18, 2024
Title: Devout: A Memoir of Doubt
Author: Anna Gazmarian @agazmarian
Genre: Memoir
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Pub Date: 3/12/24
Format: 🎧
#gifted @simon.audio @bookclubfavorites
Devout: A Memoir of Doubt by Anna Gazmarian pulls back the curtain on Anna’s struggle to juggle her diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder and her Evangelical faith.
I really appreciated the depth of Anna’s writing. From the initial days of her diagnosis to marriage and parenting, I became more and more engrossed in what was happening in her life. As a non-religious person myself, I enjoyed learning about Anna’s experiences within her religion though I found it incredibly frustrating how non-helpful most people were.
What I like the most about Devout: A Memoir of Doubt is that others who find themselves in a similar place can pick up this book and feel hope. Bipolar Disorder is a scary disease, but it is a manageable disease that is often accompanied with stereotypes and assumptions.
The audiobook was just over 4 hours, in print it’ll publish at 192, so a pretty fast listen/read. The audiobook was narrated by Rachel LeBlang who did a stellar job at expressing the emotions of the story.
Author: Anna Gazmarian @agazmarian
Genre: Memoir
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Pub Date: 3/12/24
Format: 🎧
#gifted @simon.audio @bookclubfavorites
Devout: A Memoir of Doubt by Anna Gazmarian pulls back the curtain on Anna’s struggle to juggle her diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder and her Evangelical faith.
I really appreciated the depth of Anna’s writing. From the initial days of her diagnosis to marriage and parenting, I became more and more engrossed in what was happening in her life. As a non-religious person myself, I enjoyed learning about Anna’s experiences within her religion though I found it incredibly frustrating how non-helpful most people were.
What I like the most about Devout: A Memoir of Doubt is that others who find themselves in a similar place can pick up this book and feel hope. Bipolar Disorder is a scary disease, but it is a manageable disease that is often accompanied with stereotypes and assumptions.
The audiobook was just over 4 hours, in print it’ll publish at 192, so a pretty fast listen/read. The audiobook was narrated by Rachel LeBlang who did a stellar job at expressing the emotions of the story.
April 1, 2024
This book caught my eye at Barnes and Noble and I am so glad that I bought it. I have had life-long social anxiety. I have also had severe depression since my teen years that got worse after each pregnancy and then after my parents died it became all-consuming. I could barely get out of bed every day to take care of my four children. After my dad murdered my mom not one Christian tried to help me, pray with me, or anything. Looking back it is as if they all stepped back with their arms crossed and just watched me to see how I would react. Then when I eventually allowed all of that grief and depression to dictate my actions and made some terrible decisions, all of those "Christians" abandoned me. That is the type of Christianity that I was raised with and she hits the nail on the head in regard to that so many times in this book. My faith in Christ has never wavered but my faith in people will always be jaded and crippled. Pslam 118:8 is one of my favorite verses -"It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man."
March 31, 2024
This was better than I thought it would be. This book sort of landed in my hands at the library and I was intrigued. I like books about mental health but I don't have much of a bible reading (or loving) background. However my lack of bible knowledge didn't seem to matter to enjoy this book in one day. It was a page turner and I liked reading about her experiences with dealing with a cast of characters as she tries to figure out how to get some relief for her mental health. There were lots of bible references but I felt like they were carefully curated and fit into the story.
Gazmarian's writing truly moved me and I'm glad to see her mental health journey be illustrated in a way that gives hope and promise for a life that doesn't need to end too soon but can be enjoyed through small moments of simple joy and love.
Gazmarian's writing truly moved me and I'm glad to see her mental health journey be illustrated in a way that gives hope and promise for a life that doesn't need to end too soon but can be enjoyed through small moments of simple joy and love.
April 12, 2024
This is a complicated review for me. I have a lot of religous trauma from my upbringing and associations with the church, many of which overlap cleanly with that of Gazmarian. I was hoping that her later story would overlap as well, and she'd have released herself from that system, when instead she stays firmly rooted, even while understanding the harm this will likely do to her child down the road.
What is clear in the book, is that Gazmarian never felt any doubt in her beliefs - only doubt in the system, and while that's valid, I feel it was a bit wild to not address those beliefs as causing much, if not all of the harm that she discusses early in the book.
I am glad that she found a situation that works for her, but I can't help but wish that she'd found a way out of the church all together and into a community that wasn't founded entirely on mental illness.
What is clear in the book, is that Gazmarian never felt any doubt in her beliefs - only doubt in the system, and while that's valid, I feel it was a bit wild to not address those beliefs as causing much, if not all of the harm that she discusses early in the book.
I am glad that she found a situation that works for her, but I can't help but wish that she'd found a way out of the church all together and into a community that wasn't founded entirely on mental illness.
Read
March 31, 2024I couldn’t put this book down. I read it in about two sittings as I found the two themes, mental illness and Christianity also resonated with me. I thought the title waa a bit of a misnomer though.. I thought a memoir of doubt meant that the author walked away from her religion because of doubt about its relevance. I was pleased to see the author didn’t give up on her beliefs. She managed to reconcile the benefits of science,which may have saved her life,with her religious beliefs. These beliefs were unable to address the chemical imbalance with which she was afflicted and all too often made her feel her suffering was the result of inadequacy and as if she were to blame. And she questioned the implausibilities she found in scripture but still studied it and turned to it for support.
March 4, 2024
I am not the intended audience of this book. I originally picked it up because of my general fondness of emotional memoirs, and this book promises to be exactly that. This book is fundamentally about a woman’s ever-evolving faith in herself and in God as she comes to terms with her mental health diagnosis and how it is perceived by her religious community. While there are many elements I like about this book, I could not finish it as I do not personally engage with the Christian faith and therefore found the biblical passages and stories peppered throughout to my distaste. I do hope this book finds its way into the hands of those who need it!
March 31, 2024
This book wrestles with the way that the church--specifically conservative and evangelical spaces--addresses mental health. Gazmarian shares her journey with a BPD diagnosis and how it was received, ignored, and pushed back on by faith communities. She integrates many different stories from the Bible--both New Testament and Old Testament. I thought the story flowed and was well written. A quick read that I hope to return to and recommend to others!
One specific element that I enjoyed personally from this book is being familiar with the cities and communities that Garmarian refers to both in MI and NC!
One specific element that I enjoyed personally from this book is being familiar with the cities and communities that Garmarian refers to both in MI and NC!
October 25, 2023
I felt for the author and loved her honesty, clarity in explaining her fight to make her religion and science live together.
I also felt this story a bit disturbing because some things seemed out of Middle Age. I'm not Christian, was brought up Catholic so the relatationshiop between faith and religion was always different.
I'm happy the author find a way, sometimes I felt like I was reading ideas like those I studied in history manuals, around XVI century.
A thought provoking and moving read, recommended
Many thanks to the publisher for this ARC, all opinions are mine
I also felt this story a bit disturbing because some things seemed out of Middle Age. I'm not Christian, was brought up Catholic so the relatationshiop between faith and religion was always different.
I'm happy the author find a way, sometimes I felt like I was reading ideas like those I studied in history manuals, around XVI century.
A thought provoking and moving read, recommended
Many thanks to the publisher for this ARC, all opinions are mine
April 11, 2024
Painfully dull. Gazmarian uses the same dry, distant, flat register to write about having sex for the first time on her wedding night, her suicidal ideation, and both manic episodes and their aftermath. And why on earth did she imagine that the people most likely to pick up her book would needy lengthy, rudimentary retellings of familiar Bible stories? On top of which, she doesn't really learn anything! It's mostly about the meds she takes.
This is just another example of a memoir that was written and published ten years too early. UGH.
This is just another example of a memoir that was written and published ten years too early. UGH.
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