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A Very Private School: A Memoir
In this poignant memoir, Charles Spencer recounts the trauma of being sent away from home at age eight to attend boarding school.
A Very Private School offers a clear-eyed, first-hand account of a culture of cruelty at the school Charles Spencer attended in his youth and provides important insights into an antiquated boarding system. Drawing on the memories of many of his schoolboy contemporaries, as well as his own letters and diaries from the time, he reflects on the hopelessness and abandonment he felt at aged eight, viscerally describing the intense pain of homesickness and the appalling inescapability of it all. Exploring the long-lasting impact of his experiences, Spencer presents a candid reckoning with his past and a reclamation of his childhood.
A Very Private School offers a clear-eyed, first-hand account of a culture of cruelty at the school Charles Spencer attended in his youth and provides important insights into an antiquated boarding system. Drawing on the memories of many of his schoolboy contemporaries, as well as his own letters and diaries from the time, he reflects on the hopelessness and abandonment he felt at aged eight, viscerally describing the intense pain of homesickness and the appalling inescapability of it all. Exploring the long-lasting impact of his experiences, Spencer presents a candid reckoning with his past and a reclamation of his childhood.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published March 12, 2024
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April 10, 2024
I've long been fascinated by the nature of evil. It seems that evil can be tackled only when humans understand its deceptiveness. One truism is that evil is often to be found hidden beneath convincing veneers of caring authority. It's one of the best covers that exists. And what is more evil than destroying and crushing a vulnerable child?
Charles Spencer (otherwise known as Earl Spencer) offers a searing, uncompromising account of some highly formative years spent at a boarding prep school, Maidwell Hall, in England in the 1970s. The traditional tendency of the upper classes in England to send their children to such boarding schools at ridiculously young ages is well known. Less well known is the fact that these students were often subjected to the same sadistic brutality that seemed to be accepted in many educational institutions up until at least the early 1980s (in Ireland also).
Although I prefer reading paper books, as I find audiobooks fairly hit and miss, I suspected the quality of the narration would be high in this case, as it was the author reading. He has been known for strong, powerful delivery of uncomfortable truths since his eulogy at his sister Princess Diana's funeral many years ago, which somehow managed to be full of righteous anger and dignified at the same time. Similar could be said of this book.
Spencer doesn't shy away from providing disturbing details of the sadism and perversions of some staff at Maidwell, as well as the horrendous life-long emotional impact it had on the students as they went on in life. I've always admired his commitment to staring reality in the face, but this takes things to a whole new level. It starts a conversation that is probably long overdue in England about children's emotional welfare and how boarding schools affect their relationships and ability to be intimate in later life.
The details of this book are disturbing in the extreme, with Spencer himself going into a lot of depth about the assistant matron who predated on himself and other boys in her charge, causing them extreme confusion and essentially stealing an important part of their childhood. Details about the school's headmaster are highly unsettling, and it's clear he was a predator also, who was clever at disguising this fact to parents with jaunty school reports. Parents were regularly deceived into thinking he was a genial man with humorous insights about their children, and that he cared deeply about their welfare. Spencer, on the other hand, describes how men still had visible stripes from vicious canings well into mid-life, not to mention the psychological scars to accompany them.
The book also describes the obligatory violent teacher who hates the boys because of his class hangups about their upper-class backgrounds. It's a stark reminder of the fact that child abuse is no respecter of social rank. Abusers will find their interal excuses one way or another to defend the indefensible.
This is a depressing, sorry tale on one level. However, it also offers a huge spark of hope for the future of education and therefore humanity generally. It's not a book that can be ignored by the establishment, given who wrote it, and what it must have taken emotionally to put the words on paper so powerfully. The interviews with other Maidwell students from that time are equally poignant and often heartbreaking, with some men's lives irretrievably ruined due to their time in the school.
This book is an impressive achievement on the part of Charles Spencer, a person who has had more than his fair share of upheaval and loss. He has gifted the world with difficult truths more than once, and everyone should thank him for this unflinching courage.
Charles Spencer (otherwise known as Earl Spencer) offers a searing, uncompromising account of some highly formative years spent at a boarding prep school, Maidwell Hall, in England in the 1970s. The traditional tendency of the upper classes in England to send their children to such boarding schools at ridiculously young ages is well known. Less well known is the fact that these students were often subjected to the same sadistic brutality that seemed to be accepted in many educational institutions up until at least the early 1980s (in Ireland also).
Although I prefer reading paper books, as I find audiobooks fairly hit and miss, I suspected the quality of the narration would be high in this case, as it was the author reading. He has been known for strong, powerful delivery of uncomfortable truths since his eulogy at his sister Princess Diana's funeral many years ago, which somehow managed to be full of righteous anger and dignified at the same time. Similar could be said of this book.
Spencer doesn't shy away from providing disturbing details of the sadism and perversions of some staff at Maidwell, as well as the horrendous life-long emotional impact it had on the students as they went on in life. I've always admired his commitment to staring reality in the face, but this takes things to a whole new level. It starts a conversation that is probably long overdue in England about children's emotional welfare and how boarding schools affect their relationships and ability to be intimate in later life.
The details of this book are disturbing in the extreme, with Spencer himself going into a lot of depth about the assistant matron who predated on himself and other boys in her charge, causing them extreme confusion and essentially stealing an important part of their childhood. Details about the school's headmaster are highly unsettling, and it's clear he was a predator also, who was clever at disguising this fact to parents with jaunty school reports. Parents were regularly deceived into thinking he was a genial man with humorous insights about their children, and that he cared deeply about their welfare. Spencer, on the other hand, describes how men still had visible stripes from vicious canings well into mid-life, not to mention the psychological scars to accompany them.
The book also describes the obligatory violent teacher who hates the boys because of his class hangups about their upper-class backgrounds. It's a stark reminder of the fact that child abuse is no respecter of social rank. Abusers will find their interal excuses one way or another to defend the indefensible.
This is a depressing, sorry tale on one level. However, it also offers a huge spark of hope for the future of education and therefore humanity generally. It's not a book that can be ignored by the establishment, given who wrote it, and what it must have taken emotionally to put the words on paper so powerfully. The interviews with other Maidwell students from that time are equally poignant and often heartbreaking, with some men's lives irretrievably ruined due to their time in the school.
This book is an impressive achievement on the part of Charles Spencer, a person who has had more than his fair share of upheaval and loss. He has gifted the world with difficult truths more than once, and everyone should thank him for this unflinching courage.
April 3, 2024
I have to admit I'm a sucker for Mr Spencer's writing.I absolutely adore it.Most of his work is so descriptive giving you the impression that your actually there with the writer and this book was no exception.I had no idea Mr.Spencer experienced such a hideous childhood and by the end of this you really felt for him.The only issue I really had were the sometimes monotonous descriptions of the teachers and head masters.Sometimes I couldn't tell who was who as they all sounded perfectly and permanently messed up in the head.Other than that it was an okay read and I gave an extra star specifically for the writing.
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April 20, 2024Listened to the audiobook, narrated by the author. Beautifully written but harrowing - it is an extraordinary reflection on a childhood shattered by habitual cruelty.
April 1, 2024
Fascinating from both a psychological and historical perspective, this in-depth memoir provides a shocking insight into the dark world of English boarding schools and the devastating emotional effects this archaic tradition has had on several generations of students as they grow into adults and beyond.
I personally had a less-than-great experience attending a similar school for 58+ hours a week over a few years and still so grateful I never had to board. I was surprised that many of Spencer's experiences from the 1960s hadn't changed that much compared to mine in the 90s - for the kids' sake, I truly hope things are different now.
I'm now intrigued to find out how similar the experience was for girls at the time, not just boys - a shame his sisters weren't interviewed to compare if their memories were similar. I'd recommend avoiding if easily triggered by reading about abuse and trauma.
I personally had a less-than-great experience attending a similar school for 58+ hours a week over a few years and still so grateful I never had to board. I was surprised that many of Spencer's experiences from the 1960s hadn't changed that much compared to mine in the 90s - for the kids' sake, I truly hope things are different now.
I'm now intrigued to find out how similar the experience was for girls at the time, not just boys - a shame his sisters weren't interviewed to compare if their memories were similar. I'd recommend avoiding if easily triggered by reading about abuse and trauma.
March 29, 2024
I cannot imagine how painful this must have been to write. Beautiful in prose yet brutal in content, I devoured it in 24 hours. Huge thanks must go to CS and friends for revisiting the most harrowing years of their lives in order to shed light on the horror they received at the hands of those supposed to ‘educate the privileged for the sake of the empire’. Come Lord Jesus.
March 23, 2024
Harrowing yet also not ignorant to privilege. The author does a very good job at making you feel like you are at the school with him, and does not feel like your run of the mill “celeb” ghost written memoir
March 28, 2024
What a compelling story. Prior to reading this memoir, my only impressions of Princess Diana's brother were that he was once nicknamed "Champagne Charlie" for his partying ways, and he later gave that unforgettable eulogy which still gives me goosebumps to this day. Things are not always as they seem, and sadly that is the story of his life. It's heartbreaking to think of what this one lost little privileged boy experienced at boarding school, far from the protective eyes of his parents. How brave of him to come forward and shine a light on the crimes experienced by him and others at the Maidwell boarding school. In that sense, this is an uplifting story of empowerment and survival.
April 14, 2024
Well written but disturbing subject matter.
March 17, 2024
a memoir so of course 5 stars,,, but acc wtf??? why aren’t boarding schools ILLEGAL
April 1, 2024
4.5 stars
The word ‘devastating’ is very frequently used to describe books. A Very Private School really, really is that.
While I already knew before heading into this book that it would be dealing with a very sensitive subject that Charles Spencer should be commended for being so vulnerable over, I do have to admit that I didn’t necessarily think it would be particularly well-written. This is, of course, because of my own prejudices: typically, memoirs written by public figures (including Prince Harry’s Spare, despite it being ghostwritten) are a little clumsily conveyed.
On the contrary, not only is A Very Private School close to being the most beautifully, heartrendlingly, and expertly written memoir I have ever read (second only to The Choice by Edith Eger), but it really, really is devastating. Maidwell will now occupy a very dark corner of my mind. Even as I was reading, I found myself marching forth partially numbed, unable to wrap my head around the amount of torment and horror and abuse endured by these children. It’s truly unfathomable. I cannot conceive of a childhood with such constant, visceral, merited stomach-churning fear—with close to zero chance of escape. Spencer explains near the end of the book how his peers would, at the conclusion of their rare breakaways from school in the safety of their own homes, hide, cry, scream, and beg to not be taken back, only for the parents, similarly wet-eyed, to press on with their decision to throw their children back into the perverted, violent arms of their abusers, all in the name of tradition and social decorum.
This school of Spencer’s childhood is truly a hellhole. There, the adults are cold and hating at worst and paedophilic, exceedingly violent, and chillingly emotionally abusive at worst. Here is a school with abusers, enablers, allies, and mutes only at the helm. Children as young as seven are, in their surrogate ‘home’, stripped naked and beaten (from which they retain physical scars decades later, in old age) and fondled for crimes such as talking after lights out, having learning difficulties, or, simply, witnessing their friends’ ‘crimes’. ‘Sickening’ only scratches the surface. To hear about the victims’ lives afterward—rife with relationship problems, abandonment issues, complete mental shutdown, severe PTSD, and more—is just the icing on the cake.
I hope any of these victims who have passed now feel as though they can rest. I hope those who are still alive will find some form of closure through Spencer’s incredibly brave and beautifully elucidated book.
The word ‘devastating’ is very frequently used to describe books. A Very Private School really, really is that.
While I already knew before heading into this book that it would be dealing with a very sensitive subject that Charles Spencer should be commended for being so vulnerable over, I do have to admit that I didn’t necessarily think it would be particularly well-written. This is, of course, because of my own prejudices: typically, memoirs written by public figures (including Prince Harry’s Spare, despite it being ghostwritten) are a little clumsily conveyed.
On the contrary, not only is A Very Private School close to being the most beautifully, heartrendlingly, and expertly written memoir I have ever read (second only to The Choice by Edith Eger), but it really, really is devastating. Maidwell will now occupy a very dark corner of my mind. Even as I was reading, I found myself marching forth partially numbed, unable to wrap my head around the amount of torment and horror and abuse endured by these children. It’s truly unfathomable. I cannot conceive of a childhood with such constant, visceral, merited stomach-churning fear—with close to zero chance of escape. Spencer explains near the end of the book how his peers would, at the conclusion of their rare breakaways from school in the safety of their own homes, hide, cry, scream, and beg to not be taken back, only for the parents, similarly wet-eyed, to press on with their decision to throw their children back into the perverted, violent arms of their abusers, all in the name of tradition and social decorum.
This school of Spencer’s childhood is truly a hellhole. There, the adults are cold and hating at worst and paedophilic, exceedingly violent, and chillingly emotionally abusive at worst. Here is a school with abusers, enablers, allies, and mutes only at the helm. Children as young as seven are, in their surrogate ‘home’, stripped naked and beaten (from which they retain physical scars decades later, in old age) and fondled for crimes such as talking after lights out, having learning difficulties, or, simply, witnessing their friends’ ‘crimes’. ‘Sickening’ only scratches the surface. To hear about the victims’ lives afterward—rife with relationship problems, abandonment issues, complete mental shutdown, severe PTSD, and more—is just the icing on the cake.
I hope any of these victims who have passed now feel as though they can rest. I hope those who are still alive will find some form of closure through Spencer’s incredibly brave and beautifully elucidated book.
March 16, 2024
Charles Spencer writes well. Although I only attended a boarding school from 11-18, and that a former private school that had become direct grant maintained, I experienced many of the same elements of the life he did. There was bullying and abuse at my school but the great majority of the staff were decent and bullying was stamped on when it was detected. Sexual abuse was not acknowledged and was covered up one way or another. But, of course, bullies and abusers are cleverly manipulative and mostly got away with it.
CS has spoken to many of his contemporaries and their opinions vary from life utterly ruined to made me the man I am today(probably successful bullies). A friend and his two brothers attended Maidwell and they agree that it was a strange place but they seem to have suffered less than Charles who is remembered as anxious and determined to hate the place from the outset. His parents had split up when he was three and he felt rejected and deprived of day to day maternal love. How damaging that is. This book has clearly been cathartic for him, perhaps in a way that 30 years of therapy have not.
A few other observations:
- The callous and selfish attitude of some of the parents, glad to go off and enjoy themselves having dumped their children.
- The licensed ragging before bed and at other times, often vicious brawls.
-The laissez faire abandonment of the boys in the grounds unsupervised was glorious outside play for some but a Lord of the Flies nightmare for others.
- That all the boys were encouraged to carry carefully sharpened sheath knives on their belts.
- The book will confirm the opinion of some of his contemporaries and others that he is still a weed and a wet.
CS has spoken to many of his contemporaries and their opinions vary from life utterly ruined to made me the man I am today(probably successful bullies). A friend and his two brothers attended Maidwell and they agree that it was a strange place but they seem to have suffered less than Charles who is remembered as anxious and determined to hate the place from the outset. His parents had split up when he was three and he felt rejected and deprived of day to day maternal love. How damaging that is. This book has clearly been cathartic for him, perhaps in a way that 30 years of therapy have not.
A few other observations:
- The callous and selfish attitude of some of the parents, glad to go off and enjoy themselves having dumped their children.
- The licensed ragging before bed and at other times, often vicious brawls.
-The laissez faire abandonment of the boys in the grounds unsupervised was glorious outside play for some but a Lord of the Flies nightmare for others.
- That all the boys were encouraged to carry carefully sharpened sheath knives on their belts.
- The book will confirm the opinion of some of his contemporaries and others that he is still a weed and a wet.
April 14, 2024
This was a very well written memoir. It's clear that Charles Spencer is a good writer and takes great care in telling an honest story. It must have been difficult for him and other survivors to speak up, but it's important that they did and that they continue to do so.
The way this memoir is written really puts you in that hellish boarding school, with its beautiful facade for wealthy parents handing over their children for 13 weeks at a time. I felt for Charles and the other children, coping with this new life, far away from family. I can't believe these places still existed in his youth.
The memoir would have been 5 stars, but I felt the latter part fizzled out. The first half, starting with Charles' childhood at home to the jarring move to boarding school, was genuinely outstanding. His ability to captivate the reader and evoke such despair and loss in his narrative is flawless.
I hope he and all the other boys mentioned in this book have peaceful and content lives going forward. I highly recommend this deeply thought-provoking read, especially the audiobook narrated by the author.
The way this memoir is written really puts you in that hellish boarding school, with its beautiful facade for wealthy parents handing over their children for 13 weeks at a time. I felt for Charles and the other children, coping with this new life, far away from family. I can't believe these places still existed in his youth.
The memoir would have been 5 stars, but I felt the latter part fizzled out. The first half, starting with Charles' childhood at home to the jarring move to boarding school, was genuinely outstanding. His ability to captivate the reader and evoke such despair and loss in his narrative is flawless.
I hope he and all the other boys mentioned in this book have peaceful and content lives going forward. I highly recommend this deeply thought-provoking read, especially the audiobook narrated by the author.
April 18, 2024
A powerful account of bullying and brutality in a 1970s private school. I’ve no doubt that bullying and brutality can take place in any school, but boarding schools afforded particular opportunities for isolating children from the protection of caring adults. And safeguarding was seemingly non-existent. This is an open and honest account of a traumatic time in the author’s life, and it elicits a great deal of sympathy in the reader.
I do think this book sheds light on why so many political leaders who have been through a boarding school education seem to lack empathy with others, particularly with those who find life hard. The education provided at the school in this book appears to strip children of their ability to express their emotions openly, let along empathise with others.
It is very important that stories like this come out into the open.
I do think this book sheds light on why so many political leaders who have been through a boarding school education seem to lack empathy with others, particularly with those who find life hard. The education provided at the school in this book appears to strip children of their ability to express their emotions openly, let along empathise with others.
It is very important that stories like this come out into the open.
March 27, 2024
A heartbreaking, honest account of the trauma inflicted on thousands of children in the "public" school (which in fact are private schools) system England has used to educate their middle/upper-class children for hundreds of years. His harrowing account of physical, mental and sexually abuse inflicted on children as young as 8 years old are so disturbing. Generations of children were made to accept this abuse as the norm and told it was to their benefit. There was no oversight in the hiring of the staff (many of whom were predators) in which trusting parents turned over their innocent children. Charles Spencer is an awarding winning historian (and in a way this is also British history) and he tells his own story with insight and detail I have found in his other work. As grown man, you can't help but think this must have been cathartic for him, but hopefully he will save other children from such an ordeal.
March 13, 2024
Very compelling, I finished this book in one day. A very sad look at a British public school and the abuse that such environments can foster. Those poor boys. I do hope that schools have much improved in the last 45 years. I had to skip through the two short but graphic descriptions of SA. So sad. I listened to the audiobook narrated by the author it was well done. Content warning: child abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, abandonment.
March 25, 2024
This book is gut wrenching. There were parts I absolutely could not read and had to skip. I have often wondered how any parent could send their children away like this. I will never understand the mind set. This is despicable and appalling. My heart aches for anyone that had to go through this.
April 16, 2024
A powerful personal read about the author’s time in a 1970’s Boarding School called Maidwell . The awful things he and his contemporaries endured there are told with empathy which sadly they never got . It’s a dark read about awful deeds and sadists / paedophiles posing as caring staff . A warning from the past to the present and future. Charles is a brave man to confront his past and reclaim his childhood .
April 5, 2024
What an intriguing read. It is unbelievable when you read of what young boys such a Charles Spencer went through with horrific abuse while at boarding school. It just goes to show that sometimes under the surface all is not quite how it appears on the outside. I am glad Charles put this book together and you can feel this was a very therapeutic process for him too in connecting with former boarders too.
March 28, 2024
Superbly written, a harrowing memoir worthy of note for its striking honesty and courage.
April 7, 2024
first hand account of the horrific abuse of a 70s boarding school
March 31, 2024
This was a good book- a careful recounting of one child’s experience, bolstered by the recollections of others who went to the same school. It’s clearly a terrible idea to send children away to boarding school at 8. I wish it had expanded to the experiences of other kids at other schools. I can’t believe this is the only school run by a sadist. Were there any that weren’t? But this was not that book. Still, a good book.
March 22, 2024
I did not know how the book will be written before I started reading. So I approached this book with an open mind.
It is a very well written book in the sense that it is easy to read. I finished the book in two days.
Perhaps at first I was expecting to learn something about the privileged aristocrats in the UK. Perhaps the book could shed some light in the mentality and psyche of this stratum of people who tends to keep to themselves. Hidden and remain inaccessible to the common people. The UK after all is a very class based society.
These traditional private schools are becoming more out dated. As the book described they are really there for the rich to send their kids to be mixed with kids like themselves. Keeping their bloodlines pure and away from the common people. These private schools originally aimed to produce next generation leaders and administrators who are then to be send across the seven seas to the edge of the Victorian empire to continue the plunder of wealth abroad as well the continuation of the oppression of the local population.
Given the British society is still dominated by the rich these private schools still are relevant. As Charles wrote in his book the students swear by the so called Holy Trinity: Christianity, the Country and the school that they come from. The old boys network is still very much relevant in this regard. What I find interesting is that many foreigners these days are fascinated with the British private school system ( including the fascination of private schools within with Harry Potter ). Not only are they curious, but they also aspire to send their children to these institutions. Institutions that traditionally had been very racist. I can only imagine foreign children growing up in these institutions and forget their roots ( such as the rich Iranian children Charles found in his class soon after the Iranian revolution ). These children grow up without a trace of sympathy towards their own people. From my personal experience I know someone derived from the Iranian aristocracy who fled here to the UK after the revolution. When I spoke to him about the UK oil companies in Iran before the revolution taking away 70-80% of the oil profit, his response did not include sympathy and anger but only scorn. Scorn that the Iranian people ( his own people ) are unable to extract the oil in the first place and therefore should be thankful towards the British.
The book quickly steered into Charles own personal vendetta towards his teachers and headmaster. In fact the rest of the book read pretty much like this. It is his own personal revenge and his own attempt to come to terms with his past ( and trying to make some money for himself ). I did not see this book having much social value in educating the public about what went on behind closed doors, but a bitter account of his past and getting his own back against those who had hurt/bullied him.
The story is set in the 70s and some things that described can not be counted as real issues. The kids including himself were the most prevailed people in the country who had workers washing their hair for them, who had ice cream for dessert and clean bed sheet every to weeks which he complained about. Bullying and name calling are common everywhere. Despite his own effort in making the teachers draconian, I do not see their intentions as sinister. The schooling practices were essentially common everywhere during that time, namely punishment by whipping. As a reader we must not forget that we should not judge the standards back then with the values of 2024. Society has changed, the world has changed and technology advanced. At the end of the day even as Charles admitted at the end of the book he got an excellent academic education and went on to Eton. And indeed this was the aim of his teachers. The purpose was achieved.
In the end I felt Charles is an out of touch prevailed aristocrat who attended a private school from a spoilt background and encountered some bad teachers and bullies like we all experience. His book is nothing short than a personal vendetta written out of bitterness and spite aimed to give those who he hated a bad name. The book is more about himself rather than passing anything valuable to the common reader.
It is a very well written book in the sense that it is easy to read. I finished the book in two days.
Perhaps at first I was expecting to learn something about the privileged aristocrats in the UK. Perhaps the book could shed some light in the mentality and psyche of this stratum of people who tends to keep to themselves. Hidden and remain inaccessible to the common people. The UK after all is a very class based society.
These traditional private schools are becoming more out dated. As the book described they are really there for the rich to send their kids to be mixed with kids like themselves. Keeping their bloodlines pure and away from the common people. These private schools originally aimed to produce next generation leaders and administrators who are then to be send across the seven seas to the edge of the Victorian empire to continue the plunder of wealth abroad as well the continuation of the oppression of the local population.
Given the British society is still dominated by the rich these private schools still are relevant. As Charles wrote in his book the students swear by the so called Holy Trinity: Christianity, the Country and the school that they come from. The old boys network is still very much relevant in this regard. What I find interesting is that many foreigners these days are fascinated with the British private school system ( including the fascination of private schools within with Harry Potter ). Not only are they curious, but they also aspire to send their children to these institutions. Institutions that traditionally had been very racist. I can only imagine foreign children growing up in these institutions and forget their roots ( such as the rich Iranian children Charles found in his class soon after the Iranian revolution ). These children grow up without a trace of sympathy towards their own people. From my personal experience I know someone derived from the Iranian aristocracy who fled here to the UK after the revolution. When I spoke to him about the UK oil companies in Iran before the revolution taking away 70-80% of the oil profit, his response did not include sympathy and anger but only scorn. Scorn that the Iranian people ( his own people ) are unable to extract the oil in the first place and therefore should be thankful towards the British.
The book quickly steered into Charles own personal vendetta towards his teachers and headmaster. In fact the rest of the book read pretty much like this. It is his own personal revenge and his own attempt to come to terms with his past ( and trying to make some money for himself ). I did not see this book having much social value in educating the public about what went on behind closed doors, but a bitter account of his past and getting his own back against those who had hurt/bullied him.
The story is set in the 70s and some things that described can not be counted as real issues. The kids including himself were the most prevailed people in the country who had workers washing their hair for them, who had ice cream for dessert and clean bed sheet every to weeks which he complained about. Bullying and name calling are common everywhere. Despite his own effort in making the teachers draconian, I do not see their intentions as sinister. The schooling practices were essentially common everywhere during that time, namely punishment by whipping. As a reader we must not forget that we should not judge the standards back then with the values of 2024. Society has changed, the world has changed and technology advanced. At the end of the day even as Charles admitted at the end of the book he got an excellent academic education and went on to Eton. And indeed this was the aim of his teachers. The purpose was achieved.
In the end I felt Charles is an out of touch prevailed aristocrat who attended a private school from a spoilt background and encountered some bad teachers and bullies like we all experience. His book is nothing short than a personal vendetta written out of bitterness and spite aimed to give those who he hated a bad name. The book is more about himself rather than passing anything valuable to the common reader.
April 13, 2024
I don’t know what I was expecting from this book. I knew Charles Spencer as the younger brother of Princess Diana, expressor of the red hair gene seen later in Harry, and of course, the deliverer of the blistering indictment of the royal family in his eulogy for Diana (when, I was startled to realize, he presented when he was only 33). I suppose I expected some childhood anecdotes; naturally, Diana would be in there relatively little, as I knew enough about the English boarding school system that she would not have been a classmate due to segregation by sex. But more than anything, ‘A Very Private School’ is a memoir of a formative time in Spencer‘s life, already shattered by his parents’ divorce, and somehow just getting worse.
Simply put, it was hell. Not simply enough to be martinets, the masters of the Maidwell School relished abusing their charges well above and beyond the typical corporal punishment of the day. Often the systematic physical abuse had sexual undertones or even overtones; Spencer himself describes being molested at age 11 (midway through his five-year career there) by a relatively young female assistant matron. The book serves as a kind of therapy; Spencer reviews the various employees and their possible motivations for keeping silent, as well as the lasting effects on his attitudes and self-esteem. (While he was at school, his parents took up with new partners, his sister Sarah started dating the Prince of Wales, and even his status as a godson of and occasional page to the Queen could not save him from his ever-deepening sense of abandonment.)
The abuse descriptions and directly resulting ruminations take up a good 80% of the book, which I found exhausting to read, but of course necessary for the author‘s exorcism. (He briefly discusses seeking professional help to unpack the trauma that led to multiple failed marriages and strained relationships with his children, for which I am glad.) But throughout the entire entire thing I could not help but wonder what sort of ordeal Diana (who was never mentioned again once he left for school) was going through at home or at her school; was there ever a family so ripe for further exploitation at the hands of yet another institution?
I wish more space had been given to Spencer’s discussions and interviews with former Maidwell inmates, which come at the end of the book. Charles Spencer is an elegant and eloquent writer, and my heart goes out to him and the countless children damaged by the abuse of trust. ‘A Very Private School’ is not an easy book to read, but given the author’s betrayal by the authorities that threw his beloved sister to the wolves, I appreciate him laying bare another one. Despite his wealth and status as a nobleman and caretaker of Althorp, Charles Spencer has nothing of true importance left to lose.
Simply put, it was hell. Not simply enough to be martinets, the masters of the Maidwell School relished abusing their charges well above and beyond the typical corporal punishment of the day. Often the systematic physical abuse had sexual undertones or even overtones; Spencer himself describes being molested at age 11 (midway through his five-year career there) by a relatively young female assistant matron. The book serves as a kind of therapy; Spencer reviews the various employees and their possible motivations for keeping silent, as well as the lasting effects on his attitudes and self-esteem. (While he was at school, his parents took up with new partners, his sister Sarah started dating the Prince of Wales, and even his status as a godson of and occasional page to the Queen could not save him from his ever-deepening sense of abandonment.)
The abuse descriptions and directly resulting ruminations take up a good 80% of the book, which I found exhausting to read, but of course necessary for the author‘s exorcism. (He briefly discusses seeking professional help to unpack the trauma that led to multiple failed marriages and strained relationships with his children, for which I am glad.) But throughout the entire entire thing I could not help but wonder what sort of ordeal Diana (who was never mentioned again once he left for school) was going through at home or at her school; was there ever a family so ripe for further exploitation at the hands of yet another institution?
I wish more space had been given to Spencer’s discussions and interviews with former Maidwell inmates, which come at the end of the book. Charles Spencer is an elegant and eloquent writer, and my heart goes out to him and the countless children damaged by the abuse of trust. ‘A Very Private School’ is not an easy book to read, but given the author’s betrayal by the authorities that threw his beloved sister to the wolves, I appreciate him laying bare another one. Despite his wealth and status as a nobleman and caretaker of Althorp, Charles Spencer has nothing of true importance left to lose.
April 20, 2024
THIS REVIEW CONTAINS DETAILS OF SEVERE CHILD ABUSE AND RESULTING LIFE-LONG TRAUMA. READ BOTH THE BOOK AND MY REVIEW WITH CARE.
I've not thought about Charles Spencer since he gave the eulogy at the funeral of his sister, Princess Diana. Occasionally my Instagram feed shows me pictures of his grand home in Northamptonshire, Althorp, where Diana is buried. He's the 9th Earl Spencer now, on his third wife, and the father of seven children.
Born into immense privilege, I assumed that his life was a relatively happy one. I was so incredibly wrong. Sent to boarding school at age eight, his sufferings at the hands of the staff at Maidwell Hall make for excruicating listening. (I listened to the audiobook.) I did not realize that there were such hells in boarding schools. The almost-daily physical abuse, the persistent sexual abuse, and constant bullying from both teachers and peers made this the most upsetting book I've ever read. Forty years on, Mr. Spencer has scars on his buttocks, so cruel and heavy the punishment, and the deep psychological scars he bears have affected his life in every conceivable way.
I don't know what the upper middle class and the peerage of the UK are thinking when they send small boys away from every comfort, every loving face and embrace, every freedom, into boarding schools. Even schools without institutionalised abuse must seem so cold and bleak and unfriendly to little boys who have never before spent a night away from their families, their pets, their bedrooms. I think it's barbaric.
The book is very detailed as pertains to the abuse. I can't fathom a young woman sexually molesting young boys, having plied them first with kindness and lots of candy. The other staff musst have known about all the forms of abuse going on, and not one person spoke up for the boys. It's criminal, it's haunting.
My apologies if there are typos or spelling mishaps in this review. I keep bursting into tearrs, and it's hard to type through watering eyes.
The book is exceptionally well-written, intelligent, descriptive, and it flowed beautifully. It was also read by Earl Spencer, who has a nice voice and good diction. I'm impressed by the bravery of Mr. Spencer, who reveals so much about his life then and now, and the many other Maidwell Hall survivors, who have spoken to the author and allowed their names to be attached to the book.
Be careful reading it. It was informative and interesting and absolute hell. I grant it a full five stars.
I've not thought about Charles Spencer since he gave the eulogy at the funeral of his sister, Princess Diana. Occasionally my Instagram feed shows me pictures of his grand home in Northamptonshire, Althorp, where Diana is buried. He's the 9th Earl Spencer now, on his third wife, and the father of seven children.
Born into immense privilege, I assumed that his life was a relatively happy one. I was so incredibly wrong. Sent to boarding school at age eight, his sufferings at the hands of the staff at Maidwell Hall make for excruicating listening. (I listened to the audiobook.) I did not realize that there were such hells in boarding schools. The almost-daily physical abuse, the persistent sexual abuse, and constant bullying from both teachers and peers made this the most upsetting book I've ever read. Forty years on, Mr. Spencer has scars on his buttocks, so cruel and heavy the punishment, and the deep psychological scars he bears have affected his life in every conceivable way.
I don't know what the upper middle class and the peerage of the UK are thinking when they send small boys away from every comfort, every loving face and embrace, every freedom, into boarding schools. Even schools without institutionalised abuse must seem so cold and bleak and unfriendly to little boys who have never before spent a night away from their families, their pets, their bedrooms. I think it's barbaric.
The book is very detailed as pertains to the abuse. I can't fathom a young woman sexually molesting young boys, having plied them first with kindness and lots of candy. The other staff musst have known about all the forms of abuse going on, and not one person spoke up for the boys. It's criminal, it's haunting.
My apologies if there are typos or spelling mishaps in this review. I keep bursting into tearrs, and it's hard to type through watering eyes.
The book is exceptionally well-written, intelligent, descriptive, and it flowed beautifully. It was also read by Earl Spencer, who has a nice voice and good diction. I'm impressed by the bravery of Mr. Spencer, who reveals so much about his life then and now, and the many other Maidwell Hall survivors, who have spoken to the author and allowed their names to be attached to the book.
Be careful reading it. It was informative and interesting and absolute hell. I grant it a full five stars.
Read
April 10, 2024Review — “A Very Private School: A Memoir” by Charles Spencer
Categories — Nonfiction, Memoir/Biography, British Social Classes, 1970s & 80s, Boarding School, Childhood Trauma, Royal Family Adjacent
Pub Info — 4.32 average and 350 ratings on Goodreads. March 12, 2024 from @gallerybooks
The Author — You may recognize Charles Spencer as the brother of the late Princess Diana. In his own right, he is a writer, historian, presenter, and 9th Earl Spencer.
Quick Summary — This is Spencer’s memoir of his 5 years spent at an elite boarding school called Maidwell in England during the 70s/80s. It is a harrowing dark depiction of abusive conditions.
More Info & Thoughts ⤵️
🚩 Foremost, this book covers some very sad & cruel stories alleged against children. It is detailed. It includes extreme examples of a physical and psychological nature by male and female authority figures. Be aware.
🍃 As you may expect, this is not a happy book. This is a depressingly terrible account of a devastating failure to protect children. Spencer’s aim was to tell the stories of his and his peers’ experiences at this boarding school and to confront his trauma.
🍃 It reads like an expulsion of horrid memories and a denunciation of the old school boarding school concept. An early quote that stuck with me: “What we suffered was not just a separation from all that we knew and loved, but an amputation from it.” Spencer is a skilled writer.
🍃 He utilizes his own memories and records, as well as interviews & talks with former peers (in agreement). He talks about their experiences as well as thematic concepts like abandonment, emotional regulation and attachment issues, the draconian rules and punishment systems, the rejection of family unit, and how all these things have impacted him over the years. He’s gone to extensive therapy now.
🍃 I’m not exactly sure what to say other than I was gripped and disgusted. I’d suppose I’d recommend to those who are interested in the author, the h70s boarding school culture and elite social classes behavior, British culture and history. If you’re only interested bc of Diana, I’d say she is only briefly mentioned.
Categories — Nonfiction, Memoir/Biography, British Social Classes, 1970s & 80s, Boarding School, Childhood Trauma, Royal Family Adjacent
Pub Info — 4.32 average and 350 ratings on Goodreads. March 12, 2024 from @gallerybooks
The Author — You may recognize Charles Spencer as the brother of the late Princess Diana. In his own right, he is a writer, historian, presenter, and 9th Earl Spencer.
Quick Summary — This is Spencer’s memoir of his 5 years spent at an elite boarding school called Maidwell in England during the 70s/80s. It is a harrowing dark depiction of abusive conditions.
More Info & Thoughts ⤵️
🚩 Foremost, this book covers some very sad & cruel stories alleged against children. It is detailed. It includes extreme examples of a physical and psychological nature by male and female authority figures. Be aware.
🍃 As you may expect, this is not a happy book. This is a depressingly terrible account of a devastating failure to protect children. Spencer’s aim was to tell the stories of his and his peers’ experiences at this boarding school and to confront his trauma.
🍃 It reads like an expulsion of horrid memories and a denunciation of the old school boarding school concept. An early quote that stuck with me: “What we suffered was not just a separation from all that we knew and loved, but an amputation from it.” Spencer is a skilled writer.
🍃 He utilizes his own memories and records, as well as interviews & talks with former peers (in agreement). He talks about their experiences as well as thematic concepts like abandonment, emotional regulation and attachment issues, the draconian rules and punishment systems, the rejection of family unit, and how all these things have impacted him over the years. He’s gone to extensive therapy now.
🍃 I’m not exactly sure what to say other than I was gripped and disgusted. I’d suppose I’d recommend to those who are interested in the author, the h70s boarding school culture and elite social classes behavior, British culture and history. If you’re only interested bc of Diana, I’d say she is only briefly mentioned.
April 8, 2024
A very private school by Charles Spencer
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
One word, Haunting!
Charles Spencer's ‘A Very Private School’ is a powerful and disturbing memoir that lifts the veil on the dark underbelly of a British boarding school in the 1970s.
Spencer, brother to the late Princess Diana, recounts his experience being sent away at the tender age of eight. What follows is a harrowing tale of isolation, cruelty, and a culture of silence that allowed abuse to flourish.
Even though the subject matter is haunting and dark it is very well written and you can tell that this was written by a very talented and courageous author.
Now we live in the english countryside it seems not a week goes by that I do not drive by a boarding school and I have been wondering a lot recently about how it would have impacted me to be sent away from home at a young age.
I have such wonderful memories of my childhood and I cannot imagine how scary it must be to suddenly be away from everything I know.
Spencer really gives us a raw and unflinching look at the crushing loneliness of a young boy away from his family, the constant fear of violence, and the powerlessness of being trapped in a system designed to punish rather than educate.
The book is not simply a personal account and the author incorporates testimonies from other former students, painting a broader picture of the school's systemic failings and is a testament to the strength of the human spirit.
But a warning for everyone who is looking for an easy read, this book is not for you!
The details of physical and emotional abuse, as well as the casual cruelty of some teachers, are deeply unsettling. However, the book's importance lies in its unflinching honesty. It exposes the dark side of a romanticized British tradition. This is no Hogwarts or St Trinians, this is real, dark and sadly the truth of so many.
#AVeryPrivateSchool #CharlesSpencer #memoir #survivor #boarding
#abuse #neverforget #history #importantread
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
One word, Haunting!
Charles Spencer's ‘A Very Private School’ is a powerful and disturbing memoir that lifts the veil on the dark underbelly of a British boarding school in the 1970s.
Spencer, brother to the late Princess Diana, recounts his experience being sent away at the tender age of eight. What follows is a harrowing tale of isolation, cruelty, and a culture of silence that allowed abuse to flourish.
Even though the subject matter is haunting and dark it is very well written and you can tell that this was written by a very talented and courageous author.
Now we live in the english countryside it seems not a week goes by that I do not drive by a boarding school and I have been wondering a lot recently about how it would have impacted me to be sent away from home at a young age.
I have such wonderful memories of my childhood and I cannot imagine how scary it must be to suddenly be away from everything I know.
Spencer really gives us a raw and unflinching look at the crushing loneliness of a young boy away from his family, the constant fear of violence, and the powerlessness of being trapped in a system designed to punish rather than educate.
The book is not simply a personal account and the author incorporates testimonies from other former students, painting a broader picture of the school's systemic failings and is a testament to the strength of the human spirit.
But a warning for everyone who is looking for an easy read, this book is not for you!
The details of physical and emotional abuse, as well as the casual cruelty of some teachers, are deeply unsettling. However, the book's importance lies in its unflinching honesty. It exposes the dark side of a romanticized British tradition. This is no Hogwarts or St Trinians, this is real, dark and sadly the truth of so many.
#AVeryPrivateSchool #CharlesSpencer #memoir #survivor #boarding
#abuse #neverforget #history #importantread
April 21, 2024
Lady Diana's brother has written a book exposing the British tradition of boarding school and the nightmare that he experienced at his school called Maidwell. In Charles Spencer's book he shares with us what going away to boarding school was like for him as a 9 year old. He sheds light on the verbal, physical and sexual abuse that happened there. It's sad that the adults at the school all knew about what was happening and just look the other way. The head master of the school was a sick sadistic man. I know that this happened in other boarding schools as well and he does share some stories from other schools by talking to other people who went to horrible schools. Spencer does a great job of showing how the trauma of living through that in childhood as young as 8 years old greatly affects you for the rest of your life. It makes me so sad to think of those young boys (remember as young as 8 yrs old) being sent to a school that was so horrible and then miss your family so much. Reading how boys had to learn quickly to cry silently in their pillows at night just makes me think about that happening to my own son and makes me want to cry. The author also talks about upper crust British families who send their kids to schools like this. The parents attitudes of kids away out of sight and out of mind is hard to imagine. It's like a double shot...parents who don't seem to care about you and then a school that is a nightmare. I am so glad Charles Spencer is sharing his story and the stories of men he interviewed who either went to Maidwell with him or went to similar schools. I hope it was a kind of freedom from these memories to get them down on paper. Recommend!
One man who attended Maidwell as a young child said " It was an extraordinary plan that was all about beatings and pain."
One man who attended Maidwell as a young child said " It was an extraordinary plan that was all about beatings and pain."
April 14, 2024
A heartbreaking account of a young sensitive boy who is placed in a boarding school where a brutal regime was in progress. The headmaster and several other teachers are sadistic bullies who make the pupils lives hell. In addition to the physical punishments there was rampant sexual abuse. Why at least one of the boy's did not commit suicide while in this establishment is a mystery to me. Although from very privileged backgrounds, the parents didn't seem to care what happened to their children once they were incarcerated in that awful institution. It reminded me a lot of a memoir written by a former student at Eton College which had the same cruel torturous regime. It also is reminiscent of the Roman Catholic institutions for orphans, particularly in Ireland, and the abuse meted out to them. What came as a surprise to me was the lack of attention by Charles Spencer's mother to his needs. At least the father was there is some form but the mother was noticeably absent. She came across as being totally selfish. The mother couldn't even be bothered to turn up on time to hear her son sing solo in the school performance. Then she and her new husband moved to an island off Scotland which was as far away as they possible could from their children. Having read this account of his Charles Spencer's childhood, it is any wonder that he could not make a go of his first two marriages. One can also understand his late sister Princess Diana and her lack of relationship with her late mother. This book moved me to tears for the neglect of a young boy who appeared to have everything.
April 14, 2024
As Americans, many of us are not familiar with boarding schools, with the exception of the notorious Indian schools of past that ripped Indian children away from their homes and families. These schools inflicted great trauma upon the entire Native community through extreme sexual, physical and emotional abuse of the most vulnerable members of that community. In Spencer’s excellent book, we learn that the children of many British upper-class families were not protected from the same types of abuses during a time of unchecked power of many British private boarding schools. Spencer writes of the daily experiences of both himself and his contemporaries as they navigated the growth of their childhoods through an unrelenting prism of sadistic and morally corrupt boarding school leaders. Spencer is an excellent writer, setting us squarely in the frightening and confusing world he inhabited as a child. He further shows that no matter the years passed, great trauma remains. We all understand the difficulties that childhood and adolescence bring on its own accord. We have heard stories of the amplification of those difficulties in residential surroundings. But when coupled with unscrupulous leaders with unlimited power, no oversight and ill intent, we hopefully have now learned through the pain of so many, that change must happen. The honesty and strength to talk about events that too often render great shame throughout a lifetime is what changes systems. A huge thanks to Spencer for bravely laying bare the injustices he and so many others suffered.
March 21, 2024
I actually ‘read’ the audiobook is narrated by the author Charles Spencer, the Earl of Spencer (Diana’s brother and I know that’s kind of cheating but I heard a podcast where he was talking about the book and I really wanted to hear him narrate it) that and absolutely loved it!
It’s an insight into a time in the UK particularly, that at was staunch and controlled, where the aristocracy did ‘what was expected’ and outsourced the raising of their children to boarding schools, even when their own experiences may have been terrible.
It tells of Charles’ experience of the boarding school he attended aged 8-11. It’s an insight into his family life and what he experienced at the school, emotionally, physically and psychologically. I found myself gasping in places, stunned by the actions of the people he’s written about and the environment he and his fellow students endured. It’s not graphic, but it is descriptive.
The history of his life and his family dynamic, is fascinating and an odd thing to say but when he speaks about Diana, and their life as children, you almost feel close to him. I would highly recommend reading/listening to it!
It’s an insight into a time in the UK particularly, that at was staunch and controlled, where the aristocracy did ‘what was expected’ and outsourced the raising of their children to boarding schools, even when their own experiences may have been terrible.
It tells of Charles’ experience of the boarding school he attended aged 8-11. It’s an insight into his family life and what he experienced at the school, emotionally, physically and psychologically. I found myself gasping in places, stunned by the actions of the people he’s written about and the environment he and his fellow students endured. It’s not graphic, but it is descriptive.
The history of his life and his family dynamic, is fascinating and an odd thing to say but when he speaks about Diana, and their life as children, you almost feel close to him. I would highly recommend reading/listening to it!
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