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Cloistered: My Years as a Nun
An astonishing memoir of twelve years as a contemplative nun in a silent monastery.
Cloistered takes the reader deep into the hidden world of a traditional Carmelite monastery as it approaches the third Millennium and tells the story of an intense personal journey into and out of an enclosed life of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Finding an apparently perfect world at Akenside Priory, in Northumberland, Catherine trusts herself to a group of twenty silent women, believing she is trusting herself to God. As the beauty and mystery of an ancient way of life enfold her, she surrenders herself wholly to its power, quite unaware of the complexity and dangers that lie ahead.
Cut off from the wider world for decades, the community has managed to evade accountability to any authority beyond itself. When Sister Catherine realises that a mesmerising cult of the personality, with the distortions it entails, has replaced the ancient ideal of religious obedience, she is faced with a dilemma. Will she submit to this, or will she be forced to speak out?
An exploration of the limits of trust, Cloistered shows us how far youthful idealism can take us along the road of self-surrender, and of how much harm is done when institutional flaws go unacknowledged. Catherine’s honest account of her time in the monastery – and her dramatic flight from it – is both a love song to a lost community and an exploration of what is most compelling, yet most potentially destructive when closed human groups become laws unto themselves.
Cloistered takes the reader deep into the hidden world of a traditional Carmelite monastery as it approaches the third Millennium and tells the story of an intense personal journey into and out of an enclosed life of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Finding an apparently perfect world at Akenside Priory, in Northumberland, Catherine trusts herself to a group of twenty silent women, believing she is trusting herself to God. As the beauty and mystery of an ancient way of life enfold her, she surrenders herself wholly to its power, quite unaware of the complexity and dangers that lie ahead.
Cut off from the wider world for decades, the community has managed to evade accountability to any authority beyond itself. When Sister Catherine realises that a mesmerising cult of the personality, with the distortions it entails, has replaced the ancient ideal of religious obedience, she is faced with a dilemma. Will she submit to this, or will she be forced to speak out?
An exploration of the limits of trust, Cloistered shows us how far youthful idealism can take us along the road of self-surrender, and of how much harm is done when institutional flaws go unacknowledged. Catherine’s honest account of her time in the monastery – and her dramatic flight from it – is both a love song to a lost community and an exploration of what is most compelling, yet most potentially destructive when closed human groups become laws unto themselves.
352 pages, Hardcover
First published March 7, 2024
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February 7, 2024
I love reading about the secret culture of nuns, and since this was an actual memoir I was even further intrigued. A young woman in her twenties found refuge in the Catholic Church after the death of her father. She joined the Carmelite order, embracing the silence. Her "cell" which was her assigned bedroom in Akenside Priory was a safe haven, with its large, spare black cross, its white walls, rolling hills of greenery out the window, and most of all- its solitary quiet. However, during her twelve years within its confines, Catherine experienced cliques, politics, unfairness, and power plays.
I felt a bit detached reading the many passages that went into the weeds about the deep religious concepts. It was all "over my head" and I didn't feel like delving into those tenets. There was also a lot of talk about nature because of the locale of the monastery and the necessity of the nuns working the property, tending the gardens. I'm not a fan of extensive conversation and description about nature either. I did feel a kinship with Catherine feeling the peace and quiet of her room, as she gazed out her window at the gentle, rolling fields.
I enjoyed learning about the intake process and inner workings of living the Carmelite order, including the schedules for each day. The person who was the most gifted at cooking quite possibly would not be the one assigned to cook. I loved hearing about the bread baking, mixing up dried milk (because it was cheaper), having a "Little Jug" (a quick, small breakfast eaten standing up before chores), and the half hour set aside for conversation each day. It was very disturbing hearing about some of the diabolical maneuverings.
This book clocked in at just over 350 pages, which felt pretty long. If some of the religious philosophical meanderings and nature talk could have been excised out, I would have enjoyed this memoir even more, as it was a pretty interesting story.
Thank you to the publisher St. Martin's Press who provided an advance reader copy via NetGalley.
I felt a bit detached reading the many passages that went into the weeds about the deep religious concepts. It was all "over my head" and I didn't feel like delving into those tenets. There was also a lot of talk about nature because of the locale of the monastery and the necessity of the nuns working the property, tending the gardens. I'm not a fan of extensive conversation and description about nature either. I did feel a kinship with Catherine feeling the peace and quiet of her room, as she gazed out her window at the gentle, rolling fields.
I enjoyed learning about the intake process and inner workings of living the Carmelite order, including the schedules for each day. The person who was the most gifted at cooking quite possibly would not be the one assigned to cook. I loved hearing about the bread baking, mixing up dried milk (because it was cheaper), having a "Little Jug" (a quick, small breakfast eaten standing up before chores), and the half hour set aside for conversation each day. It was very disturbing hearing about some of the diabolical maneuverings.
This book clocked in at just over 350 pages, which felt pretty long. If some of the religious philosophical meanderings and nature talk could have been excised out, I would have enjoyed this memoir even more, as it was a pretty interesting story.
Thank you to the publisher St. Martin's Press who provided an advance reader copy via NetGalley.
March 5, 2024
On my second afternoon, writes Coldstream of a visit to the priory where she would later take vows, there was a thunderstorm, and the women I saw from my window, flitting across courtyards in their long brown robes, were like ghosts. They barely spoke and their pale faces were as inscrutable as distant moons. I saw them as brave, extraordinary, martyr figures. They belonged to the same forgotten world as the moss growing out of the ancient enclosure wall, and as the ferns that grew, unchecked, at its base, and the dandelions and smaller flowers peeping from its crevices. They belonged to the fields and forests. Above all, they belonged to the silence, and to God. I opened the window. The smell of damp earth rose, reeking of something half forgotten, mixed with spring. (loc. 885*)
Coldstream was perhaps an unusual choice to be a nun: raised in an artistic and academic, non-Catholic household, she took to Catholicism only after her father died and her world upended itself. But when she went in, it was all or nothing: not just Catholicism but a nun, not just a nun but one in a cloistered, largely silent community. And she loved it—loved the silence, loved the isolation, loved the intense focus on religion, loved the honeymoon phase and weathered the loss of that same phase.
Time passes in the monastery like ghosts that move through walls; it seeps through cell doors and stony archways, through bone and marrow, imprinting patience and endurance at every touch. With the shifting of the seasons, and by our second dusky-coloured autumn, we'd turned from eager novices, excited by the novelty of monasticism, to heavy labourers, hands chapped from toil, lips cracked with cold, and faces raw. (loc. 1298)
But nuns, too, are only human, and eventually those cracks spread outward, and outward still, and gradually things changed.
Coldstream is at her best when writing about those early years, and the beauty she found in the bareness and silence of the monastery. She mentions few of the early red flags that many ex-nuns who lived in particularly restrictive (or just pre–Vatican II) describe, and a sense of longing and what if remains: what if this had happened within the community, or that, or if this sister had been given more leeway or that sister less, or if she had begun her journey in a different convent or chosen a less closed order to begin with—would she still be there? Without going into too much detail, I think it's fair to say that it was the bare humanity of isolated religious life that made questions start to grow, and then to proliferate.
Coldstream took a series of vows en route to becoming a fully professed nun, and it left me thinking about the strange way that the Catholic church (or at least some streams of it) makes convent life into a marriage, with each nun in her marital cell and Jesus as the ultimate bigamist...Coldstream didn't go down the aisle in a white gown, as used to be more common, but even if she had that would not have been anywhere near the most final of her vows—which is not the way the church treats a more conventional marriage, leaving me puzzled about why they would put the marriage-to-Jesus bit relatively early in the process. Not for the first time, I find myself thinking that the Catholic church might do better to encourage temporary vows (much the way there are so many short-term Buddhist monks) rather than, as Coldstream describes, making the process a long one but one that nearly always has a goal of permanence. Because—how might Coldstream's journey, or those of any of the women she lived in community with, have been different with the doors still open?
Not always a happy story, but a beautifully written one.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
Coldstream was perhaps an unusual choice to be a nun: raised in an artistic and academic, non-Catholic household, she took to Catholicism only after her father died and her world upended itself. But when she went in, it was all or nothing: not just Catholicism but a nun, not just a nun but one in a cloistered, largely silent community. And she loved it—loved the silence, loved the isolation, loved the intense focus on religion, loved the honeymoon phase and weathered the loss of that same phase.
Time passes in the monastery like ghosts that move through walls; it seeps through cell doors and stony archways, through bone and marrow, imprinting patience and endurance at every touch. With the shifting of the seasons, and by our second dusky-coloured autumn, we'd turned from eager novices, excited by the novelty of monasticism, to heavy labourers, hands chapped from toil, lips cracked with cold, and faces raw. (loc. 1298)
But nuns, too, are only human, and eventually those cracks spread outward, and outward still, and gradually things changed.
Coldstream is at her best when writing about those early years, and the beauty she found in the bareness and silence of the monastery. She mentions few of the early red flags that many ex-nuns who lived in particularly restrictive (or just pre–Vatican II) describe, and a sense of longing and what if remains: what if this had happened within the community, or that, or if this sister had been given more leeway or that sister less, or if she had begun her journey in a different convent or chosen a less closed order to begin with—would she still be there? Without going into too much detail, I think it's fair to say that it was the bare humanity of isolated religious life that made questions start to grow, and then to proliferate.
Coldstream took a series of vows en route to becoming a fully professed nun, and it left me thinking about the strange way that the Catholic church (or at least some streams of it) makes convent life into a marriage, with each nun in her marital cell and Jesus as the ultimate bigamist...Coldstream didn't go down the aisle in a white gown, as used to be more common, but even if she had that would not have been anywhere near the most final of her vows—which is not the way the church treats a more conventional marriage, leaving me puzzled about why they would put the marriage-to-Jesus bit relatively early in the process. Not for the first time, I find myself thinking that the Catholic church might do better to encourage temporary vows (much the way there are so many short-term Buddhist monks) rather than, as Coldstream describes, making the process a long one but one that nearly always has a goal of permanence. Because—how might Coldstream's journey, or those of any of the women she lived in community with, have been different with the doors still open?
Not always a happy story, but a beautifully written one.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
March 15, 2024
Informative & Eye-Opening!
This is the story of Catherine Coldstream who converted to Catholicism after her father's death and was a Carmelite nun for twelve years.
During her time at the silent monastery she describes her intense personal journey of poverty, chastity and obedience in her enclosed life.
A profoundly moving memoir detailing her quest for God's love while enduring struggles, pain and the imperfections of humanity.
Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for an arc of this novel in exchange for my honest review.
This is the story of Catherine Coldstream who converted to Catholicism after her father's death and was a Carmelite nun for twelve years.
During her time at the silent monastery she describes her intense personal journey of poverty, chastity and obedience in her enclosed life.
A profoundly moving memoir detailing her quest for God's love while enduring struggles, pain and the imperfections of humanity.
Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for an arc of this novel in exchange for my honest review.
April 15, 2024
3.5 stars
A hard book to review, because it’s an unusual one. I picked it up because I am fascinated by memoirs of lives in extreme religious communities, and deconstructing from them (my favorite such book is Unfollow). Catherine Coldstream joined a cloistered Carmelite monastery—yes, monastery is apparently the appropriate word for a female institution if the inmates don’t interact with the outside world—in 1989, in her late 20s. She had grown up in a secular, artistic, troubled family in London, and had a religious experience upon her father’s death that led to her finding Catholicism, and ultimately seeking an extreme version of the religious life.
The key thing about this book, I think, is that Coldstream is a mystic at heart. She joined the pseudonymous Akenside (probably Thicket Priory in Yorkshire) eager to engage in extremes of renunciation in service of union with God. And she apparently found some of that: in this article, she describes her years of monasticism as the great love affair of her life. She writes a lot about the natural world and about her emotional experience of spirituality; although interested in theology, she doesn’t care about dogma at all. In a lot of ways she reminded me of the author of A History of God, also a former nun inclined toward both mysticism and scholarship. To her bafflement and sorrow, Coldstream’s fellow monastics seem to share neither of these interests, instead focused on “just getting on with” the daily work of the monastery, and her spiritual journey winds up derailed by some brutal office politics. I have to say, I was baffled too: who would join a cloistered monastery in the mid to late 20th century if they weren’t intense about it? Why are these women there? Sadly, we never learn that about anyone other than the author, in part probably because of the taboos the community puts on human connection and meaningful conversation—the author may never have learned herself. On the other hand, maybe she did and didn’t tell us, especially as she mentions getting to know several of the nuns post-monastery too.
Because overall, the book is selective in ways that made me wonder. Its basic portrayal of the monastery’s politics is believable; I’ve seen bosses like that, who play favorites for all they’re worth, move the goalposts depending on whether they’re dealing with a favorite or unfavorite, and can’t brook criticism of themselves. It seems natural that the hothouse environment of a monastery, where everyone has made vows of obedience, suffering is part of the point, and giving up your own will part of the ideology (the nuns occasionally refer to themselves as living human sacrifices!) would breed a toxic environment when you have a bad boss at the helm. And I believe that someone who’s idealistic, earnest, sensitive and intellectually curious, as Coldstream presents herself, might rub an insecure leader the wrong way.
But Coldstream has a tendency to stick to generalities, to relaying her emotions or experiences without trying to provide the whole picture (at one point she shows herself and several other nuns being punished but is vague as to what for), and to throwing shade without fully owning her feelings. I don’t doubt that the women presented as the villains of the piece behaved badly, but Coldstream presents this as if it were objective fact rather than her own viewpoint, rooted in her personal experiences with them. It can feel as if she’s seeking validation, rather than having arrived at a place where she can thoughtfully analyze her own feelings and actions as well as those of others. And she doesn’t explain most of her decisions: the problems with toxic leadership and lack of communal support were fully evident within the first year or two, so why did she stay another decade? Why did she ultimately leave? Why didn’t she provide more support to challengers when the opportunity arose for a new leader? Why didn’t she consider moving to the other monastery people kept defecting to, if it was just a personality conflict problem? What’s up with never mentioning in the book the visits from her sister, discussed in the article I linked above, and how did these visits play into her emotional journey? I think this is ultimately back to the mystic thing, and that Coldstream isn’t trying to tell a straightforward, factually complete, easily accessible tale. But that combination of mysticism and devoting a lot of chapters to why her fellow nuns were the worst isn’t quite satisfying to me.
That said, I don’t want to criticize this too harshly. Coldstream is a strong writer, and brings her emotional experiences home to the reader well, alongside vivid descriptions of her surroundings. I appreciate that this as a well-written book about an unusual experience, and it made for different and interesting reading.
A hard book to review, because it’s an unusual one. I picked it up because I am fascinated by memoirs of lives in extreme religious communities, and deconstructing from them (my favorite such book is Unfollow). Catherine Coldstream joined a cloistered Carmelite monastery—yes, monastery is apparently the appropriate word for a female institution if the inmates don’t interact with the outside world—in 1989, in her late 20s. She had grown up in a secular, artistic, troubled family in London, and had a religious experience upon her father’s death that led to her finding Catholicism, and ultimately seeking an extreme version of the religious life.
The key thing about this book, I think, is that Coldstream is a mystic at heart. She joined the pseudonymous Akenside (probably Thicket Priory in Yorkshire) eager to engage in extremes of renunciation in service of union with God. And she apparently found some of that: in this article, she describes her years of monasticism as the great love affair of her life. She writes a lot about the natural world and about her emotional experience of spirituality; although interested in theology, she doesn’t care about dogma at all. In a lot of ways she reminded me of the author of A History of God, also a former nun inclined toward both mysticism and scholarship. To her bafflement and sorrow, Coldstream’s fellow monastics seem to share neither of these interests, instead focused on “just getting on with” the daily work of the monastery, and her spiritual journey winds up derailed by some brutal office politics. I have to say, I was baffled too: who would join a cloistered monastery in the mid to late 20th century if they weren’t intense about it? Why are these women there? Sadly, we never learn that about anyone other than the author, in part probably because of the taboos the community puts on human connection and meaningful conversation—the author may never have learned herself. On the other hand, maybe she did and didn’t tell us, especially as she mentions getting to know several of the nuns post-monastery too.
Because overall, the book is selective in ways that made me wonder. Its basic portrayal of the monastery’s politics is believable; I’ve seen bosses like that, who play favorites for all they’re worth, move the goalposts depending on whether they’re dealing with a favorite or unfavorite, and can’t brook criticism of themselves. It seems natural that the hothouse environment of a monastery, where everyone has made vows of obedience, suffering is part of the point, and giving up your own will part of the ideology (the nuns occasionally refer to themselves as living human sacrifices!) would breed a toxic environment when you have a bad boss at the helm. And I believe that someone who’s idealistic, earnest, sensitive and intellectually curious, as Coldstream presents herself, might rub an insecure leader the wrong way.
But Coldstream has a tendency to stick to generalities, to relaying her emotions or experiences without trying to provide the whole picture (at one point she shows herself and several other nuns being punished but is vague as to what for), and to throwing shade without fully owning her feelings. I don’t doubt that the women presented as the villains of the piece behaved badly, but Coldstream presents this as if it were objective fact rather than her own viewpoint, rooted in her personal experiences with them. It can feel as if she’s seeking validation, rather than having arrived at a place where she can thoughtfully analyze her own feelings and actions as well as those of others. And she doesn’t explain most of her decisions: the problems with toxic leadership and lack of communal support were fully evident within the first year or two, so why did she stay another decade? Why did she ultimately leave? Why didn’t she provide more support to challengers when the opportunity arose for a new leader? Why didn’t she consider moving to the other monastery people kept defecting to, if it was just a personality conflict problem? What’s up with never mentioning in the book the visits from her sister, discussed in the article I linked above, and how did these visits play into her emotional journey? I think this is ultimately back to the mystic thing, and that Coldstream isn’t trying to tell a straightforward, factually complete, easily accessible tale. But that combination of mysticism and devoting a lot of chapters to why her fellow nuns were the worst isn’t quite satisfying to me.
That said, I don’t want to criticize this too harshly. Coldstream is a strong writer, and brings her emotional experiences home to the reader well, alongside vivid descriptions of her surroundings. I appreciate that this as a well-written book about an unusual experience, and it made for different and interesting reading.
February 26, 2024
The writing feels very overwritten, particularly in the first and last chapters detailing the author's “escape” from her monastery.
The author's personality and attitude really irritated me. She is someone who desperately wants to be an extra-special-holy-snowflake. So she joins a monastery - the most extreme kind, of course. Then she discovers that life in a monastery isn't the same as life in heaven and that nuns have flaws. (All nuns except herself…) She judges her fellow nuns harshly throughout this whole book, especially their spirituality, assuming that she just cares more about spiritual things, and they're all shallow and “lukewarm” in their faith because they're not like her. She assumes they don't like her because they're afraid of being “shown up” by her awesome, strong spiritual and mental life. She never points out her own flaws.
Eventually, she leaves the monastery (which, yes, does sound as if it were operating as a cult, not even bothering to follow Standard Catholic Operating Procedures, if you will), and writes this book 20 years later…
Will it surprise anyone that she says she kept her faith, and yet when she talks about God, she follows with phrases like, “or whatever guardian spirit,” and “you might call this power a different name,” etc.?
Sadly, I got the strong impression that the author never actually surrendered her life to Jesus and trusted Him to forgive her sins. She talked a lot about surrendering to the cloister, and about how hard she tried to be good and spiritual, but in the end, it's the breathless, emotional spiritual “high” she seemed to want, rather than a relationship with Jesus, which requires humbling ourselves before Him.
Additionally, I found the book boring and too long. Not much happened, the other “characters” were not fleshed out super well, and I didn't connect with anyone, or feel like I really got to know the people talked about.
Note: There was some brief profanity.
I received access to this ebook from the publisher via NetGalley.
The author's personality and attitude really irritated me. She is someone who desperately wants to be an extra-special-holy-snowflake. So she joins a monastery - the most extreme kind, of course. Then she discovers that life in a monastery isn't the same as life in heaven and that nuns have flaws. (All nuns except herself…) She judges her fellow nuns harshly throughout this whole book, especially their spirituality, assuming that she just cares more about spiritual things, and they're all shallow and “lukewarm” in their faith because they're not like her. She assumes they don't like her because they're afraid of being “shown up” by her awesome, strong spiritual and mental life. She never points out her own flaws.
Eventually, she leaves the monastery (which, yes, does sound as if it were operating as a cult, not even bothering to follow Standard Catholic Operating Procedures, if you will), and writes this book 20 years later…
Will it surprise anyone that she says she kept her faith, and yet when she talks about God, she follows with phrases like, “or whatever guardian spirit,” and “you might call this power a different name,” etc.?
Sadly, I got the strong impression that the author never actually surrendered her life to Jesus and trusted Him to forgive her sins. She talked a lot about surrendering to the cloister, and about how hard she tried to be good and spiritual, but in the end, it's the breathless, emotional spiritual “high” she seemed to want, rather than a relationship with Jesus, which requires humbling ourselves before Him.
Additionally, I found the book boring and too long. Not much happened, the other “characters” were not fleshed out super well, and I didn't connect with anyone, or feel like I really got to know the people talked about.
Note: There was some brief profanity.
I received access to this ebook from the publisher via NetGalley.
September 24, 2023
Cloistered: My Years as a Nun by Catherine Coldstream is an interesting memoir about one woman’s journey into the faith and then out.
I picked up this book initially as I was hoping to read something inspiring and even at the attempt to get a peak inside a Carmelite monastery. This really wasn’t that kind of a book.
This was a memoir of one woman’s journey into joining a specific monastery and her bad experiences with the Sisters inside of it, and her decision to leave to go back to secular life.
While I sympathize with her to a certain extent, I also felt that this was just one side to the story and that there were probably faults present within multiple people. The Sisters are all imperfect, as we all are, and to expect more from humans is not something that will be achieved. I am sorry for her rough experience, but I have a feeling it isn’t “like this” everywhere.
2.5/5 stars
I picked up this book initially as I was hoping to read something inspiring and even at the attempt to get a peak inside a Carmelite monastery. This really wasn’t that kind of a book.
This was a memoir of one woman’s journey into joining a specific monastery and her bad experiences with the Sisters inside of it, and her decision to leave to go back to secular life.
While I sympathize with her to a certain extent, I also felt that this was just one side to the story and that there were probably faults present within multiple people. The Sisters are all imperfect, as we all are, and to expect more from humans is not something that will be achieved. I am sorry for her rough experience, but I have a feeling it isn’t “like this” everywhere.
2.5/5 stars
April 20, 2024
3.5 🌟 thank you Netgalley for the Audiobook!
March 12, 2024
Overall Grade: B-
Narration and Writing: B-
Content and Depth of Story: B
Best Aspect: Some interseting stories and emotions from the author.
Worst Aspect: Too long and often I lost interest while listening too.
Narration and Writing: B-
Content and Depth of Story: B
Best Aspect: Some interseting stories and emotions from the author.
Worst Aspect: Too long and often I lost interest while listening too.
March 30, 2024
A memoir of a life calling I've always wondered about, and so was engrossed in the author's telling of her experience. I was surprised at some of her later choices, but am pleased that she has written about her mixed bag of joys, sorrows and challenges while enjoying a life in the world, free from allowed domination imposed by a few who clearly had their own issues.
Another example of the wonder of books, and the opportunity to see and understand a point of view that would otherwise not known by this reader.
*A sincere thank you to Catherine Coldstream, Macmillan Audio, and NetGalley for an ARC to read and independently review.*
Another example of the wonder of books, and the opportunity to see and understand a point of view that would otherwise not known by this reader.
*A sincere thank you to Catherine Coldstream, Macmillan Audio, and NetGalley for an ARC to read and independently review.*
April 3, 2024
I'm not a Christian, much less a Catholic, but the life in a monastic community has always fascinated me. This memoir is both fascinating and shocking. People are people whatever the setting.
March 9, 2024
A compelling memoir about life in a cloistered Carmelite monastery in Northumberland, England.
The author suffers a tremendous loss that completely throws her life into chaos and in seeking peace from that turmoil, she finds both God and what she believes to be her calling - joining the Akenside Priory and taking vows [though its not really as simple as that - it takes her almost a decade to finally get to take her final vows] and living a life of poverty, chastity, obedience, and silence. And I believe, that for some time, she was happy there. She found the peace from her father's death, learned to quiet her mind and immerses herself so deeply in the monastic world that she soon forgets what the outside world is really like [this comes into play later, when she decides to leave] and is convinced that she will live forever here at Akenside.
How she lives and all that happens that changes her mind, you will have to read for yourself as this is a story that best unfolds with no preconceived notions and notes. I will say that this is full of Catholicism, so if you are unfamiliar with that religion and all that it entails, this might be harder for you to read, but should absolutely not deter you - just be prepared to maybe have to look some things up, OR find a friend who IS familiar or has grown up in the church that could help you with some of the religious aspects of this book [I find that it is always amazing to learn about other cultures, because being a Nun with a vow of silence IS another culture IMO, and this one really steeps you in it].
Unflinchingly honest and richly detailed, this was one of the better "religious" books I have read in some time. If you have ever been curious about monastic life [whether personally or from a straight-learning POV], this book is for you.
I was also granted an audiobook ARC for this book and I highly recommend going into this book that way. The author narrates and she should look into the world of narration because she was simply amazing. With a straightforward way of telling a story, she has a soft, yet strong [not whispery, just soft, probably a product of her time in the monastery] voice that was just pure joy to listen to. If she ever decides to join the narration world and narrate other books, I will be first in line to read what she has narrated. Very well done.
Thank you to NetGalley, Catherine Coldstream, Macmillan Audio, and St. Martin's Press for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
The author suffers a tremendous loss that completely throws her life into chaos and in seeking peace from that turmoil, she finds both God and what she believes to be her calling - joining the Akenside Priory and taking vows [though its not really as simple as that - it takes her almost a decade to finally get to take her final vows] and living a life of poverty, chastity, obedience, and silence. And I believe, that for some time, she was happy there. She found the peace from her father's death, learned to quiet her mind and immerses herself so deeply in the monastic world that she soon forgets what the outside world is really like [this comes into play later, when she decides to leave] and is convinced that she will live forever here at Akenside.
How she lives and all that happens that changes her mind, you will have to read for yourself as this is a story that best unfolds with no preconceived notions and notes. I will say that this is full of Catholicism, so if you are unfamiliar with that religion and all that it entails, this might be harder for you to read, but should absolutely not deter you - just be prepared to maybe have to look some things up, OR find a friend who IS familiar or has grown up in the church that could help you with some of the religious aspects of this book [I find that it is always amazing to learn about other cultures, because being a Nun with a vow of silence IS another culture IMO, and this one really steeps you in it].
Unflinchingly honest and richly detailed, this was one of the better "religious" books I have read in some time. If you have ever been curious about monastic life [whether personally or from a straight-learning POV], this book is for you.
I was also granted an audiobook ARC for this book and I highly recommend going into this book that way. The author narrates and she should look into the world of narration because she was simply amazing. With a straightforward way of telling a story, she has a soft, yet strong [not whispery, just soft, probably a product of her time in the monastery] voice that was just pure joy to listen to. If she ever decides to join the narration world and narrate other books, I will be first in line to read what she has narrated. Very well done.
Thank you to NetGalley, Catherine Coldstream, Macmillan Audio, and St. Martin's Press for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
February 29, 2024
2⭐️
This memoir chronicles the author's quest for a meaningful life in the aftermath of her father's passing. It leads her to embrace life at Akinside Priory, a Roman Catholic order of nuns who take vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience (Carmelites). What she initially anticipated as a path to peace and purpose, however, leads her into a life of suffering.
The narrative delves into her initiation as a novice, followed by twelve tumultuous years marked by mental and physical abuse within the order, ultimately leading to her decision to reintegrate into secular life.
As someone who was raised (unwillingly) in the Catholic Church, I found this read intriguing. Initially I expected a scandalous exposé on the harsh realities of life within an extreme Roman Catholic monastery (because let's face it, it must be grim), the author does touch upon such grim realities: from being informed that the fleas in her cell were a form of penance, to the restriction on physical contact with fellow sisters except on Christmas and Easter, and even encountering physical altercations with nuns (yes, you read that right, wild stuff), all while enduring a life of near-complete silence and seclusion.
Unfortunately, I did not enjoy the writing style. I struggled to maintain focus as the narrative felt overly dry and dragged on for about 150 pages too long. The tone of the book also felt somewhat off, with the author seemingly positioning herself as a martyr. This left me feeling that parts of the story were being omitted. (Sister Catherine, the vibes are way off!) However, the depiction of convent life is exactly as I expected, aside from nuns jumping one another (again, wild).
Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martins Press who provided an advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
This memoir chronicles the author's quest for a meaningful life in the aftermath of her father's passing. It leads her to embrace life at Akinside Priory, a Roman Catholic order of nuns who take vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience (Carmelites). What she initially anticipated as a path to peace and purpose, however, leads her into a life of suffering.
The narrative delves into her initiation as a novice, followed by twelve tumultuous years marked by mental and physical abuse within the order, ultimately leading to her decision to reintegrate into secular life.
As someone who was raised (unwillingly) in the Catholic Church, I found this read intriguing. Initially I expected a scandalous exposé on the harsh realities of life within an extreme Roman Catholic monastery (because let's face it, it must be grim), the author does touch upon such grim realities: from being informed that the fleas in her cell were a form of penance, to the restriction on physical contact with fellow sisters except on Christmas and Easter, and even encountering physical altercations with nuns (yes, you read that right, wild stuff), all while enduring a life of near-complete silence and seclusion.
Unfortunately, I did not enjoy the writing style. I struggled to maintain focus as the narrative felt overly dry and dragged on for about 150 pages too long. The tone of the book also felt somewhat off, with the author seemingly positioning herself as a martyr. This left me feeling that parts of the story were being omitted. (Sister Catherine, the vibes are way off!) However, the depiction of convent life is exactly as I expected, aside from nuns jumping one another (again, wild).
Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martins Press who provided an advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
September 19, 2023
An interesting book about a life most of us no nothing about. The authors journey was intriguing but I did find myself skipping some sections as it became a little dull. Perhaps that is a result of the life of a cloistered nun. I will say this, the author was able to find her true self that the majority of us never succeed in achieving. Thanks to Netgalley, the author and publishers for an advanced copy in exchange for my honest opinion.
March 27, 2024
Maybe more like a 3.5: both fascinating and flawed. Unmoored in the wake of her father's death, Catherine Coldstream converts to Catholicism, and decides to become a nun. She chooses one of the coldest, strictest orders she can find, and she is decidedly "all in." She arrives, having already immersed herself in the words and histories of St. Theresa and St. John of the Cross, eager to plunge herself entirely into "the Life" and her new "spouse" (Jesus). She cannot wait to take her vows. She loves the priory, the silence, the cold, the work, the singing, the prayers; she wants to love her sisters. Ah, but... When Alec Guinness converted to Catholicism, a monk asked him "What do you think is the greatest difficulty in the life of a monk?" Alec promptly replied: "Other monks." And the monk confirmed he was absolutely correct.
Alas, poor Catherine. She discovers that in this house, the prioress is not interested in anyone's spiritual investigations, emotional struggles, or thirst to learn and explore theology or ideas. You shut up, keep your eyes lowered, do the tasks set you, attend services, and above all: obey. Period. You are not to have friends - in fact, the prioress has imposed a "rule of three": no private conversations between individual sisters unless a third is present, and familiar relationships are not allowed. Of course, you're only allowed to speak at certain hours of the day and for specific reasons anyway. And yet, the prioress plays favorites: one seriously troubled young novice, who entered the order the same time as Catherine, is accorded all kinds of special privileges and exemptions no others get. But the prioress has been in charge for decades, and, well, "we've always done it this way," "this is how we do things here." Her autocracy runs to not bothering to inform Catherine that her long-yearned-for vows have been put off for a year because she is deemed "not ready." It runs to having successfully evaded having any regular visits from their presiding bishop for years. It runs to her having consolidated all positions of authority and responsibility to herself, in violation of conventions of the order. Some sisters leave in disgrace, to find fulfillment in a more liberally run house. Then another house closes, and its remaining sisters are sent in. The balance of power is disturbed. The bishops start to stop by now and then, and even dare to have private conversations with Catherine and others. The bishop casually mentions to the group a recent papal encyclical which he hopes they have all had time to study and discuss, outlining steps to be taken by monastic houses to move forward in the modern world - to the befuddlement of the sisters, as the prioress has made sure they never knew of its existence. Factions split off. Sisters are forced into humiliating prostrations of apology in regular gatherings; a new prioress is elected, ultimately to be wrecked by the ousted one, and who erupts into physical violence. Catherine flees in a dramatic middle-of-the-night flit.
And yet she goes back before giving up and leaving. Twelve years she puts in. It is excruciating, partly because she is so in love with the Life, and because she sometimes simply doesn't understand what is going on. She blames her own weakness. She is an educated, artistic, emotional personality seduced, abused, and abandoned by the love of her life. It's fascinating, bizarre, sad, and pitiable.
Catherine is painfully earnest. She shares her joys, her aspirations, her loves, her suffering. But she does not share things that perhaps she either didn't really see or recognize. She repeatedly talks about how devastated she was by her father's death, and yet we see virtually nothing of him as a person or a father or what her relationship to him was actually like. (I lost my own father days before I started reading this book by sheer chance, so this mystified me.) With the exception of the two prioresses, the characters of the other sisters (as well as her siblings) are barely in evidence - though perhaps the emphatic prohibition on personal relationships made that impossible for her to explore or describe. There's probably too much "nature writing," and the focus on her woes can become repetitive and a bit wearisome. Presumably she made some choices of what not to include for reasons of privacy or charity, but that leaves blanks that make some of her emotional responses feel excessive.
I ended up curious about how she could possibly go back after her flight, and what changes occurred after that. Curious about how she readjusted to the secular world - to marriage, to an academic life, to re-assimilation into her family. Maybe a restructuring would have tightened the book, shining more light into some murky places, while reducing the glare into others. Still, an affecting and engaging examination of one young woman's experience in a mysterious and powerful place.
Alas, poor Catherine. She discovers that in this house, the prioress is not interested in anyone's spiritual investigations, emotional struggles, or thirst to learn and explore theology or ideas. You shut up, keep your eyes lowered, do the tasks set you, attend services, and above all: obey. Period. You are not to have friends - in fact, the prioress has imposed a "rule of three": no private conversations between individual sisters unless a third is present, and familiar relationships are not allowed. Of course, you're only allowed to speak at certain hours of the day and for specific reasons anyway. And yet, the prioress plays favorites: one seriously troubled young novice, who entered the order the same time as Catherine, is accorded all kinds of special privileges and exemptions no others get. But the prioress has been in charge for decades, and, well, "we've always done it this way," "this is how we do things here." Her autocracy runs to not bothering to inform Catherine that her long-yearned-for vows have been put off for a year because she is deemed "not ready." It runs to having successfully evaded having any regular visits from their presiding bishop for years. It runs to her having consolidated all positions of authority and responsibility to herself, in violation of conventions of the order. Some sisters leave in disgrace, to find fulfillment in a more liberally run house. Then another house closes, and its remaining sisters are sent in. The balance of power is disturbed. The bishops start to stop by now and then, and even dare to have private conversations with Catherine and others. The bishop casually mentions to the group a recent papal encyclical which he hopes they have all had time to study and discuss, outlining steps to be taken by monastic houses to move forward in the modern world - to the befuddlement of the sisters, as the prioress has made sure they never knew of its existence. Factions split off. Sisters are forced into humiliating prostrations of apology in regular gatherings; a new prioress is elected, ultimately to be wrecked by the ousted one, and who erupts into physical violence. Catherine flees in a dramatic middle-of-the-night flit.
And yet she goes back before giving up and leaving. Twelve years she puts in. It is excruciating, partly because she is so in love with the Life, and because she sometimes simply doesn't understand what is going on. She blames her own weakness. She is an educated, artistic, emotional personality seduced, abused, and abandoned by the love of her life. It's fascinating, bizarre, sad, and pitiable.
Catherine is painfully earnest. She shares her joys, her aspirations, her loves, her suffering. But she does not share things that perhaps she either didn't really see or recognize. She repeatedly talks about how devastated she was by her father's death, and yet we see virtually nothing of him as a person or a father or what her relationship to him was actually like. (I lost my own father days before I started reading this book by sheer chance, so this mystified me.) With the exception of the two prioresses, the characters of the other sisters (as well as her siblings) are barely in evidence - though perhaps the emphatic prohibition on personal relationships made that impossible for her to explore or describe. There's probably too much "nature writing," and the focus on her woes can become repetitive and a bit wearisome. Presumably she made some choices of what not to include for reasons of privacy or charity, but that leaves blanks that make some of her emotional responses feel excessive.
I ended up curious about how she could possibly go back after her flight, and what changes occurred after that. Curious about how she readjusted to the secular world - to marriage, to an academic life, to re-assimilation into her family. Maybe a restructuring would have tightened the book, shining more light into some murky places, while reducing the glare into others. Still, an affecting and engaging examination of one young woman's experience in a mysterious and powerful place.
March 6, 2024
I received an advance reading copy (arc) of this book from NetGalley.com in return for a fair review. Author Catherine Coldstream delves into her years spent as a cloistered nun in England. I have often been curious as to what goes on in a cloistered convent. How do women maintain this lifestyle of prayer and isolation? While I believe Coldstream was honest about her experiences, I also felt she whined a lot starting with the pivotal point in her life when her father died. She was 24 years old at the time and for some reason couldn't get over his passing and this seems to be what prompted her to join the Cloisters. She was not raised a Catholic, but converted to the faith as a young woman. After she joined the convent with her idealized picture of what she thought it should be, she spent ten years there. Even though I was raised in the Catholic faith, I don't think I would have lasted ten minutes! According to Coldstream, your individuality is stripped away and you are required to obey the Mother Superior without question--and sometimes the Mother Superior is a bully. Take for instance, the time Coldstream was beaten by the Mother Superior. Sometime after that, Coldstream literally ran out of the convent and made her way to her sister's house. For some reason that I will never understand, she returned to the cloistered life for another two years. After that, she went through formal proceedings to dissolve her vows with a papal blessing. I am not sure whether Coldstream's experience was common to all cloistered nuns, but it was an interesting read.
October 18, 2023
I received a free copy of, Cloistered by Catherine Coldstream, from the publisher and Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Catherine was a cloistered nun at Akenside Priory in Northumberland. I found this book to be a little disturbing at times. An interesting tale of one women's journey as a cloistered nun.
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April 14, 2024I'm not going to rate this book, because it feels strange to give a rating to someone's lived experience.
Nuns fascinate me. I'm not religious, and so their way of thinking is alien to me. Coldstream has a lovely way of writing, and though I still have quite some questions about her life, I think this book provides an interesting insight into the life of a nun living in what ultimately proves to be a dysfunctional community.
Nuns fascinate me. I'm not religious, and so their way of thinking is alien to me. Coldstream has a lovely way of writing, and though I still have quite some questions about her life, I think this book provides an interesting insight into the life of a nun living in what ultimately proves to be a dysfunctional community.
April 16, 2024
I listened to the abridged version of this on BBC Sounds. Its the story of Catherine entering the order of the Carmelite Nuns. At first the story is interesting - what is required of nuns and their day to day lives. As the absorbing and increasingly disturbing narrative progresses (rather like a thriller), we see a consuming cult of strange and dangerous personalities emerge as the new prioress takes over.
I would imagine the book (read in whole instead of being abridged) might be very disturbing. However it was so interesting to hear how things can change with new leaders (just as in the world at large) and the order that Catherine joined changes to become something dangerous and oppressive.
I would imagine the book (read in whole instead of being abridged) might be very disturbing. However it was so interesting to hear how things can change with new leaders (just as in the world at large) and the order that Catherine joined changes to become something dangerous and oppressive.
March 9, 2024
You would think living in a convent would be a peaceful existence but for Catherine Coldstream it was anything but, and she found herself subject to the same cliques and petty power plays that you would experience in any toxic working environment. In one extraordinary chapter the author recounts being pulled out of her sickbed and beaten by one of her fellow nuns! A very eye opening account of how the strict and dehumanised life of nuns can cause them to viciously lash out at each other or people in their care.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 5, 2024
Agreed with Frank’s review. A promising snippet of a book.
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April 3, 2024i feel i can't rate this fairly with the heavy abridgement to be part of bbc radio 4 book of the week. i would read the full book
March 25, 2024
This is a beautifully-written and very personal book. The thing I like the most about it is its nuance. It would be easy to just say that this community was dysfunctional and that was that, or that the whole church is horrible and outmoded and that was the problem, but the author refuses to build straw figures. She really wrestles with why she entered, why she stayed, and ultimately, why she left, and none of the answers are easy. Having spent a very very short time in community myself, I found this book extremely authentic to the experience that I had. It took a lot of courage to get it all down and then to publish it! Wow!
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January 28, 2024United States Publication: March 12, 2024
Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for this advanced reader's copy. In exchange, I am providing an honest review.
Shaken to her core after the death of her father, Catherine Coldstream sought solace from her grief in the structure and confines of religion. Making a very thoughtful and committed decision, Catherine became a nun, taking a vow of silence. For the next 12 years, Catherine was a nun at Akenside Priory, a Roman Catholic contemplative convent. Lest you think this was in the 1950s or some long ago era, it wasn't. This was in the 1990s, more modern times, that Coldstream detached herself from the world for God. And it was in the early 2000s that she escaped that silent world back into the noise of life.
Catherine recounts for the reader the way in which she found Akenside Priory and the nuns she would come to be in community with for the next 12 years following her decision to separate herself from the world, and in theory her grief. She recalls the first days, weeks, and months as a novice, living her way toward taking final vows. She pulls the curtain back on how even in a cloistered community politics and power plays can drive how the Priory is run. Conflict surfaces among the various personalities that have entered into this holy union with God and soon Catherine finds herself in the midst of a very divided Priory, fueling the doubts she was already beginning to have about this cloistered life she chose to live. Coldstream finally decides to make a break with her vows and her religion and flees, on foot, the Priory one lonely night, reentering the world she had rejected 12 years before.
This was a really interesting and compelling look into the life of a nun. I think a lot of people are very curious about what it is really like behind those closed doors and Coldstream generously shares her very personal experience. Amazingly enough, many years later she has more fondness than not for the time she spent in Akenside and most of her fellow Sisters, even the ones who she was at odds with. Post-religious life she's married and even still occasionally attends services at her local Roman Catholic parish, which I find fascinating because many people who have been that deep into a religious community generally reject it completely. I would actually love to read a follow-up memoir from Coldstream on her post-religious order life now that she's been living it for as many years as she was in the Priory.
Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for this advanced reader's copy. In exchange, I am providing an honest review.
Shaken to her core after the death of her father, Catherine Coldstream sought solace from her grief in the structure and confines of religion. Making a very thoughtful and committed decision, Catherine became a nun, taking a vow of silence. For the next 12 years, Catherine was a nun at Akenside Priory, a Roman Catholic contemplative convent. Lest you think this was in the 1950s or some long ago era, it wasn't. This was in the 1990s, more modern times, that Coldstream detached herself from the world for God. And it was in the early 2000s that she escaped that silent world back into the noise of life.
Catherine recounts for the reader the way in which she found Akenside Priory and the nuns she would come to be in community with for the next 12 years following her decision to separate herself from the world, and in theory her grief. She recalls the first days, weeks, and months as a novice, living her way toward taking final vows. She pulls the curtain back on how even in a cloistered community politics and power plays can drive how the Priory is run. Conflict surfaces among the various personalities that have entered into this holy union with God and soon Catherine finds herself in the midst of a very divided Priory, fueling the doubts she was already beginning to have about this cloistered life she chose to live. Coldstream finally decides to make a break with her vows and her religion and flees, on foot, the Priory one lonely night, reentering the world she had rejected 12 years before.
This was a really interesting and compelling look into the life of a nun. I think a lot of people are very curious about what it is really like behind those closed doors and Coldstream generously shares her very personal experience. Amazingly enough, many years later she has more fondness than not for the time she spent in Akenside and most of her fellow Sisters, even the ones who she was at odds with. Post-religious life she's married and even still occasionally attends services at her local Roman Catholic parish, which I find fascinating because many people who have been that deep into a religious community generally reject it completely. I would actually love to read a follow-up memoir from Coldstream on her post-religious order life now that she's been living it for as many years as she was in the Priory.
November 30, 2023
I want to preface this review with saying that I am not religious, nor am I really qualified to “review” other people’s life stories. So here goes nothing.
The first part reads like a meditation. It’s calming and serene, and is beautifully written. You gradually start to see things getting worse and worse. The order feels like a cult. And for a person who is not part of that cult some of the stuff that goes on in this book seems improbable, but then again the reader has the benefit of a bird’s eye view, and the book also does not take 12 years to read (this is how long the author was part of the Carmelite order) so the reader also does not experience any of those parts where nothing much happens.
One gripe I had with the book that others mentioned too was the hidden nonlinearity of the story. The overall arc is mostly linear, but some of the chapters talk about a specific topic that might develop over years, and therefore the reader gets to find out about something early on that wasn’t really an issue until much later (chapter about cats, for example). So there is a certain amount of jumping around without clear indication on what year of the story we are in.
Thanks to NetGalley and St Martin’s press for this ARC.
The first part reads like a meditation. It’s calming and serene, and is beautifully written. You gradually start to see things getting worse and worse. The order feels like a cult. And for a person who is not part of that cult some of the stuff that goes on in this book seems improbable, but then again the reader has the benefit of a bird’s eye view, and the book also does not take 12 years to read (this is how long the author was part of the Carmelite order) so the reader also does not experience any of those parts where nothing much happens.
One gripe I had with the book that others mentioned too was the hidden nonlinearity of the story. The overall arc is mostly linear, but some of the chapters talk about a specific topic that might develop over years, and therefore the reader gets to find out about something early on that wasn’t really an issue until much later (chapter about cats, for example). So there is a certain amount of jumping around without clear indication on what year of the story we are in.
Thanks to NetGalley and St Martin’s press for this ARC.
November 18, 2023
I tried three times to submit a carefully considered review to Goodreads, and the app kicked me out without saving my work every time. So here goes:
CLOISTERED grabbed my attention because I've long had a fascination with the lives of nuns and monks. Catherine Coldstream enters a Carmelite convent as a convert in the wake of her father's death and her family's dissolution, and she doesn't shy away from examining her own motives in seeking a religious life, or in deciding to leave it. However, the narrative occasionally bogs down in somewhat repetitive, overly detailed examinations of every emotional nuance in a given situation. Coldstream also seems to be striving for an elevated literary tone that doesn't always serve the story.
That said, Coldstream is very effective in conveying what so many of us, even those of us who aren't a bit spiritual, find compelling about the cloistered religious life: the intensity, the clarity of purpose, the meaning to be found in turning one's life over to a higher calling.
I finished this book with mixed emotions: slight disappointment with the pace and style, but also gratitude for an honest, interesting, and self-searching look into a hidden way of life. Many many memoirists can't seem to see into their own motivations, and their memoirs are shallow and self-serving as a result. Coldstream avoids this pitfall. I look forward to more of her work.
CLOISTERED grabbed my attention because I've long had a fascination with the lives of nuns and monks. Catherine Coldstream enters a Carmelite convent as a convert in the wake of her father's death and her family's dissolution, and she doesn't shy away from examining her own motives in seeking a religious life, or in deciding to leave it. However, the narrative occasionally bogs down in somewhat repetitive, overly detailed examinations of every emotional nuance in a given situation. Coldstream also seems to be striving for an elevated literary tone that doesn't always serve the story.
That said, Coldstream is very effective in conveying what so many of us, even those of us who aren't a bit spiritual, find compelling about the cloistered religious life: the intensity, the clarity of purpose, the meaning to be found in turning one's life over to a higher calling.
I finished this book with mixed emotions: slight disappointment with the pace and style, but also gratitude for an honest, interesting, and self-searching look into a hidden way of life. Many many memoirists can't seem to see into their own motivations, and their memoirs are shallow and self-serving as a result. Coldstream avoids this pitfall. I look forward to more of her work.
March 24, 2024
**I read this as an ARC from Macmillan Audio**
This book is gorgeous, heartbreaking, and so incredibly powerful. On the surface it’s a story about faith and being a nun, but really it has so much more to do with humanity in all its forms.
I am not religious and especially not Catholic. This book caught my attention because of how different the author’s experience was to any of my own. My favorite kinds of memoirs are those that show me perspectives that are vastly different from anything I have or may experience. I think it’s fascinating that despite all of our differences as individuals there is so much that we can find in common with one another and so much we can learn about the world from each other. While I will never find myself converting to Catholicism let alone becoming a nun, I was able to connect deeply to the feelings of being lonely and lost in the world and seeking unconditional love and support. After seeing how the monasteries are supposed to function I completely understand someone making the decision to leave behind their trauma and dedicate their life to serving a power greater than themselves. Devoting your current life to a higher power and your next life and choosing to be part of a system that is so much greater than you must be equally as freeing as it is confining. I wanted so badly for the author to find the peace she was looking for. But the ugly parts of humanity can still seep in through the cracks of this idealistic world. When you’ve let down all your guards because you were promised safety it’s so much harder to see the poison and almost impossible to fight against it.
I think the most shocking thing to me about this book was the author’s sense of optimism. Despite everything she had been through she still believes in herself and her faith. She has every right to be jaded and renounce the Catholic Church after everything she went through, but instead she still finds the strength to forgive and move on to a better life.
This book is so unique and worth a read no matter your stance on God, the afterlife, and Catholicism because in the end what you’ll take away from Catherine Coldstream’s story will have nothing to do with religion. If you enjoy audiobooks this one is very well done, it is read by the author and there are a few hymns mentioned that you have the pleasure of hearing her sing.
This book is gorgeous, heartbreaking, and so incredibly powerful. On the surface it’s a story about faith and being a nun, but really it has so much more to do with humanity in all its forms.
I am not religious and especially not Catholic. This book caught my attention because of how different the author’s experience was to any of my own. My favorite kinds of memoirs are those that show me perspectives that are vastly different from anything I have or may experience. I think it’s fascinating that despite all of our differences as individuals there is so much that we can find in common with one another and so much we can learn about the world from each other. While I will never find myself converting to Catholicism let alone becoming a nun, I was able to connect deeply to the feelings of being lonely and lost in the world and seeking unconditional love and support. After seeing how the monasteries are supposed to function I completely understand someone making the decision to leave behind their trauma and dedicate their life to serving a power greater than themselves. Devoting your current life to a higher power and your next life and choosing to be part of a system that is so much greater than you must be equally as freeing as it is confining. I wanted so badly for the author to find the peace she was looking for. But the ugly parts of humanity can still seep in through the cracks of this idealistic world. When you’ve let down all your guards because you were promised safety it’s so much harder to see the poison and almost impossible to fight against it.
I think the most shocking thing to me about this book was the author’s sense of optimism. Despite everything she had been through she still believes in herself and her faith. She has every right to be jaded and renounce the Catholic Church after everything she went through, but instead she still finds the strength to forgive and move on to a better life.
This book is so unique and worth a read no matter your stance on God, the afterlife, and Catholicism because in the end what you’ll take away from Catherine Coldstream’s story will have nothing to do with religion. If you enjoy audiobooks this one is very well done, it is read by the author and there are a few hymns mentioned that you have the pleasure of hearing her sing.
April 14, 2024
There have been times when I wanted to escape the world, but I never seriously considered joining a convent or monastery. Catherine Coldstream surprised me for doing just that. It was more than a whim considering that she stayed for 12 years including one desperate escape. I could see the appeal of the simplicity and the silence, but could not imagine living with a group of women who—unsurprisingly even though they were there to live a pure life as spouses of Christ— devolved into middle schoolers by forming an in group and an out group. Catherine was in the out group, which didn’t bother her so much as disappoint that it happened in the first place. As all of us have done with something or other in our lives, Catherine went into the cloistered life expecting perfection that never panned out. Been there, done that.
March 5, 2024
I'm not Catholic and have very little knowledge of the Catholic church, so I was very interested in this memoir about a young woman who was a nun but left.
While a lot of this was fascinating and I admire the author for telling her story, I can't help but think that this was geared to an audience more knowledgeable about the intricacies of the Catholic church than me. There was so much in this that I simply didn't understand, and I think someone with a better understanding of the structure of the Catholic church would appreciate this much more than me.
Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC!
While a lot of this was fascinating and I admire the author for telling her story, I can't help but think that this was geared to an audience more knowledgeable about the intricacies of the Catholic church than me. There was so much in this that I simply didn't understand, and I think someone with a better understanding of the structure of the Catholic church would appreciate this much more than me.
Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC!
March 29, 2024
I was intrigued by the topic of this memoir, but it didn’t live up to my expectations. In her mid 20’s, Catherine enters a silent monastery , a lost soul grieving after the death of her father, the one anchor throughout her tumultuous early years. I was anticipating she would be writing about daily life as a nun and a spiritual evolution that gradually ended with her leaving the cloister. The book did discuss everyday life, but it seemed to drag and get bogged down. I understood her disillusionment with life at the priory as Mother Elizabeth’s control and favoritism spun out of control, but I never felt like Catherine shared the heart of her discontent in a way I could truly connect with. Her departure from the monastery seemed to happen abruptly, and the book ended without giving me enough details about adjusting to life outside afterwards. Catherine is clearly a deep and thoughtful person, and I wonder if perhaps she is a private person as well, leading her to hold back expressing the emotions that could have made this book a more compelling read.
April 6, 2024
Brutal indictment of a real life convent . The author went for peace and to dedicate her life to Christ . The reality was a place full of bullies ,cliques and a Mother Superior who beat the nuns into submission . Disturbing and profound .
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