Eh?Eh!'s Reviews > Married with Zombies

** spoiler alert ** Rbrs #7/8

This book made me realize I'm not a real horror fan at all, and I would wet myself (w/pee, get your mind out of the gutter and into the sewer) if I ever read or watched a serious horror book or movie instead of the campy and hilarious. Married With Zombies is campy and hilarious, but the first several zombie encounters freaked me out. Note to self, don't read zombie books at night, alone, with only one lamp on.

This was a very fun, light, snarky book. Complaints below shouldn't stop anyone from reading it.

The main characters are a married couple who are on the brink of divorce but a sudden zombie apocalypse brings them together for survival. The story sets up sequels, with non-zombie bad guys still alive to be encountered later, a father who may still be alive, a destination, etc. The writing was aimed directly at my generation, referencing current pop culture that would probably confuse the readers of the near future (my favorite, ...I said with the same reverence I would have used if I saw Joss Whedon or something.). Petty dislike - the author overused the word "whispered." Half the dialogue is "whispered." Try whispering something and hear for yourself how stupid you sound. Besides the dependable "said," I wish she changed it up with "breathed" or "grated" or "howled" or how about nothing and conveying the emotion another way?

These characters survive by drawing upon their knowledge of zombies in movies and books, so I thought about the few zombie movies and books I've seen and read to assess whether I'd survive if the worst happened. What sucks is that they contradict each other, so that tactic probably isn't helpful. But, although the zombies in this particular book are pretty frightening if they were real, they don't make too much sense since a certain behavior would eliminate the likelihood of propagation...comparing the two zombie books I've read, I've made lists of what I remember:

World War Z (WWZ)
- they shamble slowly
- depending on where the infection takes hold in the body, zombification can take hours or days
- they can smell/sense living humans so acting like one doesn't work
- they don't breathe or eat, so they can survive underwater and w/o sustenance
- they will bite/chomp anything, not focused just on braaaaaaains
- they can only be stopped by destroying the zombies' braaaaaaaaains

Married With Zombies (MWZ)
- they can RUN, and retain enough dexterity for doorknobs, and STILL have higher brain function and intelligence intially, and even afterwards they don't just go for the braaaaaains but set up ambushes (like hiding under a desk until a human is within reach, then jumping out)
- they zombify within 15 minutes
- they can be fooled by acting like a zombie
- they breathe (one was described as breathing)
- they hunger for braaaaaains but seem to feast on every body part
- they can only be stopped by destroying the zombies' braaaaaaains

HOW ARE WE EXPECTED TO SURVIVE WHEN OUR SOURCE MATERIALS SAY OPPOSITE THINGS???

The most ridiculous issue is the last couple points - if they eat brains, how do the mangled corpses in MWZ become more zombies when destroying the brain destroys the zombie? Are there that many who pull away and run fast enough to escape zombies that can also run? If they change that fast, how do they spread that fast when they wouldn't be able to hide their state (and bloodiness), and wouldn't be able to operate a vehicle to go any distance? I think WWZ ruined me for any other zombie book, since it thought out the logistics of a zombie apocalypse too well. Also ridiculous, the main characters are crack shots with whatever pistols and rifles they find...wouldn't they need some past shooting experience or practice? So many of their initial reactions to the zombies should've gotten them killed, but they managed to pull through with lucky circumstances each time...pssh.

I'll still read the sequels of this book because it was funny and snide. Logic ruins mindless fun.